If you know me, you’re aware that the only thing that can separate me from a good time is the threat of bodily harm.

I’m kidding (not really).

The ardent pursuit of one such time – and a good drink – landed me at Guava Bar here in Abuja.

Abuja dwellers might not be as voracious as their Lagosian cousins, but they do love a good time. In the past five years, new restaurants, bistros and bars have entered the in scene, including the elegantly dubbed Guava Bar.

I went for their Thursday night happy hour—essentially a buy one, get one free situation—and in my generosity as a professional enjoyer—a Missionary of the Chop Life Church, Abuja Chapter—I will tell you how it went.

Have something to eat, dear. There’s alcohol involved.

Finding Guava

The bar is located in a plaza thats more or less in the middle of Wuse – on Ademola Adetokunbo Street, and if you know anywhere in Abuja, you know that street.

The problem was now finding the place in the plaza. There was no glowing lettering or signage on the plaza front, things one would expect from a bar at 6:30 pm, so my friend and I had to negotiate with the God Almighty to open his own eyes and let us borrow them.

After going up two flights of stairs – intense cardio, mind you – by a stroke of luck, we spotted a pale sign with an intricately lettered “This way to Guava” written on it.

I’m no expert in signage, but it struck me as… challenging, to read a white sign on a white wall.

No matter, we found Guava.

Ambience & Atmosphere

Contrary to the ultimate survival levels of navigation it took to find the place, the bar was beautiful.

Low hanging, amber-coloured lights with rattan shades, organically shaped mirrors dotting the wall, cosy alcoves with more rattan seats, potted greenery in tandem with the other organic design choices… I also enjoyed how the granite table tabletops and checkered flooring prevented things from getting too village-hut-esque.

The space at Guava Bar

The space at Guava Bar

The stage is set for a cosy, romantic dinner date, and then you remember…

This is Guava Bar, not a dinner spot. Where is the space for alcohol-induced movement? For the air to circulate and keep you from feeling the weight of your bad decisions?

Anyway, the space was relaxed and empty when we got there, with muted music wafting, but smaller than their Instagram would have you think – at this point, we should all know that everything looks bigger on Instagram.

I wasn’t bothered; it was early.

The menus came.

Menu, Prices & Thoughts

The first thing I noticed was how extensive their drink menu was!

They had 11 house cocktails, 11 classics, pitchers, wines, and a bunch of alcohol-free options too.

They also had a dizzying array of light bites – no mains/proper meals, which made sense, it was a cocktail bar, after all.

I said, yes, this is what we are here for!

Our waiter also reassured us of every drink’s availability, which was great.

Their alcoholic cocktails (the star of the happy hour promo) start from ₦8500, and there was a fun option called The Alchemist where you could “Leave your fate in the hands of our bartenders”, essentially allowing them free reign to make you a custom drink.

I didn’t order it sha, God save us all.

Service was good, and our orders arrived on time, so, thats a plus.

What did we get?

House Cocktails we got

Guava Island (₦9500) – Guava, White Rum, Coconut Rum, and lime

The Guava Island Cocktail

A good first drink, came in a glass wrapped in brown paper, maybe to simulate drinking from a coconut/island vibe? Sweet, slightly sour, fruity, slightly creamy, and not too strong. It could have been a bit more (quantity-wise), but it wasn’t criminally small either. 7/10.

Cape Sorrel (₦9500) – Gin, Vodka, Aperol, Triple Sec, Cherry, Lemon, and Hibiscus

The Cape Sorrel Cocktail

This came in a gorgeous, long-stemmed, bulbous glass and was a vividly iridescent purple. Edible gold powder? Gorgeous for Instagram. Again, mild in terms of alcohol, tart, fruity, and almost refreshing. Maybe a bit too mild for my tastes, it needed something to really make things pop. Maybe some more sweetness? A good size, though. Also a 7/10.

Gold Rush (₦9500) – Tequila, Grapefruit, Lime, and Maple

The Gold Rush Cocktail

Another beautiful drink, but in a margarita glass this time. Instagram, as usual, ate first. Sweet and sour, definitely slightly stronger, and very slightly nutty from the maple. Beauty in simplicity. 8/10.

Classic Cocktails we got

Classic Margarita (₦8500) – Tequila, Lime, and Honey

This one arrived in an overzealously salted margarita glass and despite its deceptively cheery appearance, she packed a punch. After the salted rim almost sends you into cardiac arrest, the sweetness of honey greets you before smoothly inviting the tart lemon, finally leaving you with the subtle burn of hard liquor. A solid marg. 8/10.

Long Island Ice Tea (₦8500) – Tequila, Rum, Vodka, Triple Sec, Coke, Lemon.

If you’re not careful, this drink will tear your shirt and body-slam you onto the table. It came in an unassumingly medium-sized glass, and as you can tell from the ingredients, packed a dangerous kick. Almost too much of a kick for me. Instead of the classic hints of refreshing black tea expected from a Long Island, it leaned more towards a very strong Screwdriver (a cocktail of vodka and orange juice). A 5/10.

Chops we had

Puff-puff (₦5500) – Ten balls of fried dough dusted and drizzled with condensed and powdered milk

A few years ago, there was a social media craze in Nigeria around condensed milk, puff puff, and Oreos, most famously from the brand, Yellow Plate. The puff-puff from Guava was redolent of that.

Freshly made and piping hot, with a light crunch on the exterior and a pillowy inside, they were almost perfect. But they were too sweet – so sweet it was almost alarming. It may have been the combo of sugar in the dough and the sticky sweetness of the condensed milk, but damn.

I’m not sure if they made them that sweet to balance out the alcohol in their cocktails, or if the chef accidentally added too much sugar to our batch. Yummy, but maybe too sweet a treat?
6/10.

The Verdict: Was it worth the ₦airas?

We did ₦38,250 worth of damage for three cocktails (6 drinks for Happy Hour) and a plate of puff-puff

Cocktails at Guava Bar can be pricey, especially if you’re ordering individual drinks. To save those Nairas if you’re a group, I’d say share a pitcher, which often costs less than four individual cocktails.

Guava Bar is a stunning spot for upscale drinks and Instagram-worthy moments.

Pro-Tip: Their happy hour also allows you to choose two different cocktails, for the price of one.

But, if you’re looking to have a few drinks by yourself or with a friend or two, catch a vibe, maybe meet a cutie, and let loose on a Thursday night? Hmm, not my first choice.

Guava Bar is like a beautiful baby.

You see her and just know there’s potential. The stunningly fresh menu – everything, from cocktails to food, was made to order – the interesting drinks, the cosy, almost romantic ambience, the promos…

But with the somewhat hard to find location, slightly pricier cocktails compared to other places with similar offerings, small, almost cramped space, and less than adequate energy, Guava has some growing up to do.

It’s obvious there is something there, but they’re green, and I’m excited to see how Guava Bar ripens with time.

Our Index this week is a collection of places we think will really get you there.

Top it off with our Broke and Bougie in Abuja article, and your enjoyment in this city and possibly in yours is just starting.

Whether you’re looking for a rave, a bar with a thumping DJ, or want a soft dinner for you and yours, we’ve got you.

Let’s usher you into Chop Life Church.

Act like you’ve been here before, please.

The Chop Life Church Member Index

How are you feeling? Hm, Odogwu? We know you share our taste for finer things, but what does enjoyment mean to you? A drink with friends? a day spent alone? a tall glass of chilled malt?

Tell us jare,  enjoyment shared is merriment multiplied, abi is that not what they say?