In Nigeria’s hard and arid emotional landscape, a delicate flower blooms – radiant, wide-petaled, and resilient.

It’s kuku only love that could inspire such fancy language from us anyway.

If you’ve been with us for some time now, you might remember some of our other pieces centring romance – from Love in Japa, to Situationships - so you know that anywhere there is love, we’re there.

But love, like most things, can be a thorny rose, and as the multifaceted powerhouse that we are, today, we’re exploring its darkness.

Heartbreak.

Love lost can be a harrowing experience, and the stress and upset from heartbreak can lead to anxiety and depression and have even been linked to suicide.

So, if you’ve never had the stunning experience of an Edo man battering your heart into fragments, have some empathy for those who have.

It might be your turn tomorrow.

No be curse o, na just life.

Now, we all know about heartbreak, right? But what does a Nigerian heartbreak look like?

Nigerians (ahem, Yoruba men, ahem, Igbo babes, ahem) are anecdotally known for having big, fast loves that either end in amazing happily-ever-afters or spectacular crashes.

At the risk of sounding choatic, today we’re here for those spectacular crashes.

What? We can’t help it.

To satisfy your curiosity – because we only do this for you, obviously – today, you’re going to be hearing from three young Nigerians who went through this death of love.

From tea on each of their relationships, how they ended, why they ended, what the experience was like, how they coped/made it through and other juicy bits, these are conversations we just had to share.

As you can tell, we take our role as your guardian angels very seriously.

If you really deep it, we’re doing this for the betterment of mankind.

Think big, please.

This world is too harsh, too evil, for us to let you go on without knowing just how crazy things can get.

You’re welcome.

Meet the members of our Breakfast Club…

Tomi – Cheating Yoruba men have truly shown Tomi what it means to wish evil on someone. The 21-year-old undergraduate fancied herself cool, calm and collected, until someone came to her as a woman, and her exclusive situationship (first red flag but okay) fell apart in a glorious fashion. Lover girls are down one point.

Mukhtar – A 20-year-old Cybersecurity undergraduate, who has a thing against ghosting – because that’s how his (ex) babe broke his heart. This led him to the conclusion that the best way to get over someone, was under another, but that might not have turned out so well…

Abby – You know when everything is going great… till your lover sends you a breakup text and the next few months are the most depressed of your life? Yeah, Abby’s perfect love fractured and shattered while she held it, but letting go wasn’t easy – for either of them.

We hope your interest is piqued and your throat is parched because there is lots of tea to drink today.

Clink clink.

Their stories…

Lessons to be learned from Tomi

• Trust your gut.  That may be God talking to you.
• Sometimes, let Yoruba men lie.  See how far they’re willing to take things. Have fun with it.
• People are not always what they seem. The hard truth, but simple reality.

Lessons to be learned from Mukhtar

• Maybe don’t get into a relationship after only two days of knowing them…
• Communication is one of the most important parts of a relationship, so if someone doesn’t want to communicate with you, something is wrong.
• Delete that “The best way to get over someone is under someone else” mentality, you’ll just end up hurting others.

Lessons to be learned from Abby

• Sometimes, people must let go of relationships (including ones with us) to move forward.
• Breaking a connection can sometimes be a lot harder than just breaking up.
• You survived before them, and you will survive after.

As their stories demonstrate, heartbreak can have many components: anger, insecurity, sadness…, and even grief.

So, how people handle heartbreak is very personal.

This is also why before you go and parade your new boo around, make sure you guys have a watertight blood covenant.

If they try any funny movement, liver failure, straight.

Use your brain o.

(That is a joke, please.)

Anyway, if you’ve recently been served some unsavoury breakfast, know someone who has, or maybe you’re even the one who served someone a full platter (you can send this to them…), we’ve got just the toolbox for you.

The E Don Cast Index

Fast fast, before you go, which of our brave respondents resonated the most with you?

Did you see yourself in stoic Tomi and her experience with an otherworldly demon? Or maybe Mukhtar’s dealings with a ghost and his need for closure were closer to home for you?

Or has love ever turned sour in your mouth like with Abby?

Tell us this (and more if you’re feeling chatty) in our comments below!