There comes a point in every young adult’s life where you realise that apart from being your parents’ child, you’re your own person.

Maybe you realise that you want to start dipping your bread in tea, even though your parents are vehemently against it, even though they plead with you not to go down this horrid, dark, and scary path filled with soggy bread and the faint smell of disgustingly tepid Milo.

Or maybe you decide that you don’t want to practise the religion you were brought up in anymore.

Either way, that realisation can be pivotal.

A hallmark of young adult growth is financial independence.

According to this Ventures Africa article, while 88% of young adults (18 to 30) believe that financial independence is essential for adulthood, only 37% of them can continue to live their current lifestyle without parental support.

With unemployment and inflation on the rise, maybe you should put down that dream of moving out (for now, sha) and try to make the best of where you are presently.

You just asked how, abi?

Well, that’s why we’re here, to put you on.

We’re going to give you tips and tricks on how to live your best life (or come as close as possible) while in your parents’ house.

It’s a rocky road but our shock absorber na original.

No worry.

Pull your weight o

The main reason you’re still home is that you don’t have money to move out.

Right?

This means, in a sense, that your parents hold the reins because it’s their house and they pay the bills, for food, repairs, etc.

One way to assert independence and remind your parents of your adulthood is by assuming some of those adult responsibilities.

We’re not saying start renovating the house on your own or start paying your parents’ rent o, but find some small, but significant thing that you can contribute.

Maybe your family loves bread. So, never let bread finish at home.

Every time you go out, buy a loaf of bread. Let them see that small thing you do as your own responsibility.

If you have a garden or a lot of plants in your compound, once in a while, hire people to trim the hedges and make things look nice.

Those “little” actions build your parents’ confidence and trust in your responsibility, and they will start to treat you as more of an active contributor to the household and your own well-being, than a child who needs to be commanded and micromanaged.

Get the house groceries from Pricepally or Supermart, order them dinner sometimes from Glovo, and if they want to spruce up the place, get them a few things from Theplantsng.

There are options upon options, Dear.

Setting boundaries… quietly

If there’s one thing African parents don’t understand, it’s their children having their own thoughts, opinions and ways of doing things.

What do you mean you don’t like to be called on the phone?

But sometimes, confronting them directly can feel overwhelming or like beating a dead horse.

This is why quietly standing your ground – no long talk – can be an answer.

Following the example above, you could casually mention during a conversation that you prefer texting over phone calls. If they do call, simply don’t answer and send a text explaining that you’re busy and would prefer to text instead.

You might have to do this a few times for it to stick, and they might even make a fuss out of it, but if you stand your ground, it will.

Another example:

It can be irritating when your parents barge into your room without warning, and maybe you’ve mentioned before that you’d rather they knock or at least call your name and wait for a response before they come in.

Just start locking your door.

When/if they ask why, tell them they keep opening the door when you’re naked and you need some privacy because you’re not a kid anymore.

(Or just be perpetually naked in your room to prove a point.)

The main idea is that sometimes you have to enforce the boundary first, then explain later when/if they enquire about it.

Very demure. Very quiet. Very respectful.

Make a move-out plan, and get to saving

If moving out is still your end goal, then you might have to play the long game.

So sorry, Dear.

But this is the time you can use to find out;

• Where you want to move to (as in, state, city, area, etc)

• What kind of place you want to get

• How much it’ll cost to get it

• If you’ll need to get a roommate

• How much you’ll need to save

• What your saving routine will look like and how long it will take to save up

Also, factor in the reality that you will have to pay bills, furnish the place, and pay moving/transportation costs. If you’re really about it, browse apartment listings – maybe on PrivateProperty – and try to talk to people who live in that area, so you know what you might be getting into.

Flashback to when we explored the Lagos housing market.

Shudders.

Anyway, open a Piggyvest account and use their Housemoney feature to save up with interest, or save and invest in dollars on the Bamboo app.

You should also check out our “Furnishing Your First Apartment in Nigeria” article to see some of the other things you might have to consider.

To be forewarned and forearmed o.

Do things outside the house

Have you considered that maybe you’re so sick of living at home because you’re there too much?

Spending time outside the house can help you create space between you and your parents, and further assert your independence.

This hack is especially valuable if your folks have a habit of using your time without prior notice.

Example;

Most adults wake up with a rough idea of what they want their day to look like, and the tasks they might have to complete. They might not even be work-related, just things you want to do, but, that one no concern Mummy.

She has seen that you’re at home, which means you’re free to help her blend pepper while she quickly attends her prayer meeting before Daddy gets back and asks for food.

It gets even worse if you have a hybrid or fully remote job. That’s when you’ll be helping Daddy wash his car as you’re doing Monthly Performance Review.

Sometimes, absence truly does make the heart grow fonder, Dear.

Shebi it’s when they see you that they can send you to do things?

This also ties in with the Setting boundaries quietly point because you don’t have to say anything.

You just won’t be there.

Go do some work at a cafe – we’ll link some in the index, wink wink – substitute those home workouts for a gym membership – maybe at Polo Fitness Centre? – join a physical book club with regular meetings, or visit friends more often.

As long as you’re leaving home and creating that space, you’ll see a difference in how they treat you and how you feel.

Take time to make your space yours

A big part of accepting unpleasant realities is getting comfortable with them.

It seems counterintuitive, but a lot of the time, tension is prolonged because you don’t want to accept that, yes, the conditions are less than ideal, but they are what they are.

To improve your contentment, start by making your current circumstances more comfortable. The more comfortable you are, the more likely you’ll enjoy your situation.

That’s why you should make your room really yours.

Now, the extent to which you’ll be able to do this depends on several factors – your income, if your parents allow big modifications/renovations, how long you have in your move-out plan before you leave, etc – but there are things you can do regardless.

If you’re into ambience and scent, get a nice scented candle from Fitila Candles, or a lamp from Kavs Lightspot. If you want to change up the room, buy a bucket of paint and DIY it. Switch up the layout and move the bed around. Get new curtains. Buy some LED strip lights. Deep clean the whole room.

Take full ownership of the space you’re currently in because, for the time being, it’s yours.

Start a passion project

Another way to stop dwelling on the unpleasant bits is to channel your energy elsewhere.

Think about the possibilities if you used your time constructively instead of wallowing in self-pity. Who knows, maybe Santorini would have seen your face one or two times by now.

Don’t be annoyed, please, we’re all friends here.

You can take a course in something you’re interested in, explore an old hobby (shebi you used to write in secondary school, why did you stop?), learn a new language, find some new interests, start creating some form of content…

The point is, you generally have one less thing to worry about – paying rent and bills – so that affords you the luxury of some extra cash and mental bandwidth.

It would be a shame to let that privilege go to waste, now, wouldn’t it?

Have realistic expectations and be open to some compromises

Last but certainly not least, remember the kind of parents you have and don’t expect them to change overnight because you made some changes yourself.

African parents are notoriously pigheaded, so be patient, and sometimes, let them have their way.

Choosing one or two non-negotiable priorities can help you maintain peace. Sometimes, you’ll need to compromise on other things.

Lagos was not built in a day, please.

To wrap things up…

Living with your parents as a young adult can be tasking, but, if you go about it the right way, it can also be rewarding.

You get to establish boundaries and your independence even before you move out, and you don’t have the weight of rent and bills just yet.

If you squint (or actually enjoy living at home), it could even be a win-win situation.

Anyway, to further assist you on this journey, we’ve made you The Adulting From Home Index

The Adulting From Home Index

We sincerely hope our little bag of tricks has reminded you of the power you have, and made you realise that your situation may not be as bad as you feel.

Now, before you go, do you think you’ll be moving out soon? Or are you willingly living at home to cut costs?

Tell us about your situation in the comments, so we can hmm and ahh over your matter in a deeply philosophical and introspective fashion.