Complaining is interest paid on problems you haven’t solved

Recently, Nigeria has seen flooding sweep away lives, businesses, and homes. Insurgents and bandits have killed more people in the first half of 2025 than in all of last year. A woman was a victim of non-consensual exposure then jailed in a violent incident involving Ibom Air staff, and a mutated strain of the poliovirus is spreading in under-immunised communities.

What do all these incidents have in common?

All are signs that Nigeria is falling apart, and something has to be done. We’re not talking about social media posts and hashtag slinging — we discussed how young Nigerians can use social media for real change in our first Outrage To Action article — now, we’re here to discuss how you can take the good fight offline.

Take a seat, dear, let’s chat.

Why isn’t digital activism enough?

It isn’t impactful enough, at least, not in the real, long-lasting ways that Nigeria desperately needs.

Digital activism, while vital in today’s world, is also a breeding ground for slacktivism — supporting causes online, but with very little real effort or commitment — and studies have shown that information shared on social media can distort public sentiment, fuel political polarisation, and spread misinformation on legitimate political movements.

Let’s remember that at least 18 million children are out of school in Nigeria, the highest number in the world, according to UNICEF, so misinformation can spread quite quickly around these parts.

Also, our leaders aren’t afraid to, quite literally, shut digital movements up; remember in 2021, when Twitter was banned in Nigeria and in 2024, when government-mandated internet shutdowns hit a record high in Africa?

Anyway, laws don’t change in Instagram comments; pressure needs to be felt on the streets, in institutions, and at the grassroots.

Let’s get into how.

Section 1: Understanding the Power of Offline Organising

Offline organising means exactly what it sounds like; taking the vim of digital activism and/or grievances, re-constructing it in real life, then using it to address/fix issues.

Offline organising can be intense and direct — protests, rallies, door-to-door sensitisation — as a way to get into people’s faces and media, or it can be more community-focused and/or political, like town halls, community meetings, policy engagement, and press conferences.

These might seem like long talk, and Nigeria is famous for its institutional bureaucracies, but they can pull government and media attention, which, as we explored in our second Outrage To Action piece, can be vital for change.

Also, if you haven’t read that article…

In 2023, residents of Magodo II GRA, Lagos, warned that unauthorised access to the Magodo wetlands by “land speculators and developers” through the estate was a direct threat to the “environment, safety and security” of the community. In a press briefing, Sheriff Daramola, then-chairman of the Magodo Residents Association (MRA), said the project was putting lives and property at risk.

In response to their outcry, the Lagos State Commissioner for Physical Planning and Urban Development, Dr. Oluyinka Olumide, promised that the state government would create independent access to the wetlands, so they wouldn’t need to go through Magodo II.

On an international scale, in 2014, Ghana’s worsening economic climate and citizen frustration — sound familiar? — led to the #OccupyFlagstaffHouse campaign. It started online, and within 4 days, led to demonstrations and picketing at Flagstaff House (think Aso Rock, but Ghanaian).

While the movement didn’t “fix” the problems overnight, it led to increased public engagement by leaders on economic and governance issues, and the emergence of OccupyGhana as a sustained civic pressure group which uses tools like public campaigns, letters, petitions, and court actions to maintain pressure on government institutions.

Want to know more about youth-led African movements? Check out our 50-Year Legacy of African Youth Movements. 

It’s quite the read—we’re unbiased, of course.

Section 2: Building or Joining a Local Movement

Finding or Creating a Movement Aligned with Your Values

Now we understand why offline organising is important, let’s get moving, shall we?

Movements are where scattered frustrations are honed into organised power.

You can either join an existing group in your cause (causes can be: illiteracy in Nigeria, governance, perhaps one of the Sustainable Development Goals, etc.), or really step into your power and start something of your own with a few like-minded peers.

If you’re looking to join an existing group, here are some things to look out for;

• Clear focus: Are they busy-bodies? Do they have a specific cause, or are they scattered across too many issues?
• Transparency: Are their funding, goals, and decisions open to members?
• Inclusivity: Do they welcome new voices or feel like a closed clique?
• Track record: Is it just mouth? Have they pulled off any tangible wins or actions before?
• Safety and credibility: Are they known for peaceful methods and protecting members’ well-being?

If you find a group that fits your search, get involved; Attend community meetings or workshops in your area, pitch stories and get into your citizen journalist bag, volunteer your skills (marketing babe? Run them a campaign, tech bro? Build them a website.), bring a friend along, or even help amplify and fundraise for their work.

Also, follow other advocacy groups on social media, even if they’re not exactly your main cause, and join their mailing lists so you’re up to date with events, workshops or outreaches they put on. These are great for networking — you might even find people to start your own initiatives with — and help further other causes you may be interested in.

Starting your own Group? Make sure you have:

• A clear goal: One sharp issue you’re rallying around, not 10 at once, please.
• Core team: Even 3–5 committed people are better than a big, flaky crowd.
• Simple structure: Who does what? (socials, outreach, strategy, media, etc.)
• Communication hub: A WhatsApp/Telegram group, or even Slack if you’re really about it.
• A Code of Conduct: A bit corny, but they’re popular for a reason—they guide behaviour and draw a clearer line between right and wrong. This code includes basic rules for respect, safety, and staying on-message.

So, agree on a core mission and immediate next steps, like branding, meeting structures, and pooling resources together, then pick one small, winnable cause to build momentum.

Look at that, you’re already doing amazing.

Check out Enough is Enough Nigeria (their Office Of The Citizen Passport is particularly cool) if you’re passionate about holding our leaders accountable and fulfilling your civic duties.

If you’re more interested in tracking the numbers and watching how Nigerian taxpayers’ Naira is spent by the government, Budgit is as close as you can get. We also love their Impact Stories; check them out.

Why structure is super important

If you’re starting your own movement, structure is doubly important for you—it’s the foundation of the house you’re building. Digital-era uprisings often ignite fast, but they also die out just as quickly—a phenomenon sociologist Zeynep Tufekci dubs the “tactical freeze”, where leaderless momentum fails to adapt or strategise.

You need clear roles because, without them, movements burn out or collapse into chaos, like a group assignment in uni.

Core roles to assign early:

• Leaders/Coordinators – make final calls, keep everyone aligned.
• Communicators – handle press, social media, content production, and community updates.
• Mobilisers – recruit volunteers and keep participation high.
• Logistics and Money heads – handle venues, transport, materials, and refreshments.
• Safety/Legal teams – liaise with lawyers, ensure risk mitigation.

A good tip is to periodically rotate these roles among members to build resilience and avoid power-hoarding and burnout.

Some ways to get physical

Now that you know what groups you want to join or start, and you understand the importance of structure, let’s get our hands dirty!

(In an ethical, non-money laundering way, thanks.)

Attend/organise a Town Hall 

Town halls in Nigeria are organised to share updates and hear from the community. Think of them as a meeting between the government and the community/a specific group of people. They’re meant to bring people closer to those who represent and govern them.

Town halls can also bring together different groups. For instance, earlier this year, the National Emergency Management Agency (NEMA) held one with its stakeholders. In 2023, the National Assembly’s Joint Committee on Electoral Matters, with support from Yiaga Africa, hosted a Citizens’ Town Hall on Electoral Reforms that opened the floor to government agencies, civil society, and the public.

These meetings aren’t consistently scheduled, and knowing when they are is mostly a matter of keeping your ear to the ground, but at town halls like the one in 2024 between the House of Representatives and youth groups (National Association of Nigerian Students, West Africa Youth Congress, etc.), The Speaker of the House of Representatives, Abbas Tajudeen, said the Green Chamber would hold these meetings with the Nigerian youth twice a year to hear their plights continuously and address them.

Some states, like Lagos and Akwa Ibom, have structures in place to enable town halls where budgets and other issues are discussed, but they’re also irregular and (in our opinion) shoddily planned.

This is why it’s more important for people to attend these meetings and use them as instruments of change; when they see the active participation of citizens, they’ll take things seriously.

Constituents can also organise by inviting grassroots officials—such as the local government chairman—to meet with the people they serve. A simple way to do this is to draft a letter, have it signed by residents within their jurisdiction, and submit or email it to the local government office.

The key is reminding these officials that they are there for you. To listen, protect and serve you.

Another type of town hall people overlook is legislative town halls—Public hearings.

When the government is debating an important bill, issue or even petition, committees often hold public hearings. These hearings can be attended by normal citizens (like you, dear), civil society groups, and other stakeholders—unless said publicity poses certain risks—to share their views and hear how things pan out.

Committees are expected to announce the date, venue, and topic of a public hearing at least a week in advance—unless there’s an urgent reason to hold it earlier.

So, keep your ears open, gentle reader, so you can rock up to the chambers and stare your leaders right in the cornea as they make judgments that impact you.

It’s the least you can do.

Physical meetings whenever possible, please

If you’re starting your own movement, it’s important that you get into a meeting rhythm. Weekly o, bi-weekly o, monthly o, that consistency is what keeps energy alive.

You can take this a step further by meeting physically as often as possible, even if it’s only a couple members of the team who can meet while the rest join virtually, the act of physically coming together to do something goes a long way in building trust and solidarity, and creating accountability and momentum that only social media just can’t sustain.

Think of it as literally bringing your dreams into reality, the more you physically act on them; these meetings can be training sessions (maybe on protest safety, public speaking, fact-checking, etc.), strategy meetings (mapping next moves, fallback plans, etc.) or even just progress reports.

Get out of the house and do the good work in real life.

Connect, expand and innovate at Innovation hubs 

Innovation hubs are exactly what they sound like; they are bubbles that bring together entrepreneurs, startups, tech enthusiasts, researchers, investors, and sometimes even government agencies to develop, test, and grow new ideas, products, or businesses.

TL;DR: Essentially, a support group for startups and new ideas.

Platforms like Co-Creation Hub and the Wennovation Hub help with access to funding, programs that guide entrepreneurs from ideation to launch, networking opportunities and lots more.

You only need basic knowledge of economics to understand how important it is for these innovation hubs to be given space to thrive—think job creation, economic diversification, encouraging knowledge sharing, etc.

Nigerians need more of that.

So, why don’t you attend a couple of events? Stroll into a couple of workshops? You may not have an active desire to build your own startup, but there are a bunch of places you can find yourself useful.

Tangibly, working in tech and innovation is building the country—a big part of your civic duty.

See scope, nau.

Community service as advocacy in action

Physical engagement doesn’t always mean shouting and protests; it can be as simple as repainting a school wall, cleaning up a market, or running free lessons for kids in your area.

These acts turn advocacy into something people can see and touch — proof that the fight for better isn’t only online and in mouths. When communities see activists rolling up their sleeves—ahem, unliketheirleaders, ahem— it builds trust and shows what’s possible if leaders did their jobs, it’s like a reminder that things can be better, we can live better.

Like a little taste test.

Volunteer to teach at Slum2Schools Africa, become a blood donor with LendAnArm, or gather your friends and go on a community cleaning spree.

A repainted classroom or a clean street tells a stronger story than a hashtag or an email alone. It says, we don’t just demand change, we practice it.

Section 3: Sustained Advocacy: Staying the Course

Dearest reader, this is a (not-so-gentle) gentle reminder that movements don’t end when the hashtags stop trending; Do you stop being hungry just because you see food being made? The real test is whether all that energy turns into structure, funding, and impact that can carry the work forward.

We must push for the food to be made (WELL), then we can eat and rest… till hunger strikes again.

This is why consistency matters: follow up on demands (think emails, petitioning on and offline, pressure through civic groups, institutions, NGOs, etc), tracking progress (how many people has your advocacy reached? How many are left? What demands has the government responded to?), and training new members so the flame doesn’t die with one generation.

Your drive, met with consistency, and the natural madness every Nigerian is born with, can birth civic groups like Enough is Enough Nigeria, which started as youth protests and grew into one of the country’s most visible civic organisations. The BudgIT Foundation began as a simple idea to make budgets understandable, and today it’s growing into a national watchdog for accountability.

Even the Feminist Coalition, though short-lived after #EndSARS, showed the power of coordinated structures in fundraising, transparency, and messaging. Others, like Stand To End Rape (STER) Nigeria, have turned grassroots advocacy into long-term institutions shaping national conversations.

But let’s not be too carried away with the lofty causes; staying the course also means going local.

Hyperlocal wins — whether tackling insecurity in Yola and Borno, or fighting flooding in Lagos — often create the most visible change.

When people see their everyday problems being addressed, trust builds and momentum spreads.

Let’s take inspiration from Mama Africa; the youth movements that lasted invested deeply in offline work.

LUCHA in the DRC knocked on doors in Goma to explain civic rights and mobilise voters. In Senegal, Y’en a Marre held regular neighbourhood meetings, music broadcasts and concerts, and door-to-door drives to discuss governance and register voters.

So, you can see it’s not just mouth, dear. You too, press.

These actions grounded movements in real communities, building trust and visibility in ways algorithms can’t erase; when online attention faded, human networks (real people in real communities, not just oomfs) kept the cause alive.

Finally, no movement survives without care for its people. Burnout is real, so, please, as you do, don’t over-do.

Pace yourself, share responsibilities, and prioritise mental health when you can. (See our earlier piece on caring for your mind as you navigate this country.)

Remember, the most effective movements are those where people last — not just the hashtags.

Anyway, we know it’s a lot to think about and do, and truly, we’re here to help. So, we’ve put together The Best in Activist Index. From staying up-to-date on crucial matters to groups you can join to do your bit, and places where your new ideas can find a home, we really pulled it all together for you.

We are, simply, too much.

The Best In Activist Index

Nigeria simultaneously exists in two states: the country that it should be — abundant, vibrant, and youthful, and the Nigeria that is — one with inflation rapidly eating into your small savings, and where young people are harassed by the police for having a sense of style.

It’s only in Naija that being fashion-forward can get you arrested. God forbid someone dresses to impress!

Gosh.

Anyway, according to data from The Central Bank of Nigeria, inflation peaked in February 2024 at 32%, the highest it had been in decades. Now, it’s stabilised to a relatively more tame 23%—as of June 2025. This doesn’t mean things are more affordable; it just means things aren’t climbing in price as fast as last year.

This inflation is disrespectfully rocking everyone, and it’s even more dire because Nigerians do not earn that much to start with. In this study, only 14% of Nigerians earn ₦250k and above.

Now, if you approach Google and search for anything related to personal finances, approximately three billion results will appear (sarcasm), much like your mother when you’re trying to sneak out of home (not sarcasm), and in almost every single one, ‘budgeting’ will feature.

In theory, it’s an excellent idea; analysing and dissecting your monthly income into neat little plastic containers (like vegetable soup) to be frozen for later down the month, doesn’t that sound perfect?

Well, unfortunately for us in Nigeria, they (the power holding companies) take more electricity than they give, so your nicely portioned budget has melted into a soggy mess, and there’s hardly anything you can do but eat it all at once before it goes bad.

Or are we being a bit pessimistic?

Maybe there are some young Nigerians who have hacked this budgeting thing? What was that? You want us to find out for you? We’re amazing, interesting, witty and make the best articles? We should look for two young Nigerians and ask them about their spending habits to satisfy your curiosity?

Well, it’s a good thing we can read minds, because that’s exactly what we went and did.

Meet our ₦aira Navigators

Elijah: A 24-year-old living alone in Lagos, working a 9-5 as IT support staff, while freelancing as a digital designer, and earning between ₦230k to ₦500k monthly. We discussed the three most important things in his life (can you guess?), and how his money revolves around them, why he does not save, and how the lack of pickles in his home is a severe recession indicator.

Mubarak: A 21-year-old student living with his parents in Mowe, while working part-time as a software developer, and earning around ₦150k monthly. He talks about ‘trying’ to budget, how he might have a bright future as Father Christmas (he’s a big gifter), the first time he bought shoes for himself, and how he manages to balance his undying love for shawarma in T-Pain’s Nigeria.

Their Stories

The Sum Total

Once again, we are confronted with what we want Nigeria to be, and the reality that befalls us.

Elijah and Mubarak pull us back into the reality of many young Nigerians: budgeting is a nice idea, and it can be a fun thing to think about…

But is it realistic for the average Nigerian who earns less than 100k monthly — if she’s even fortunate enough to land a job?

Our hot take? 

Yes, budgeting is both possible and important at all stages of wealth. 

Money is liquid; it needs direction, or it will free-flow until there is nothing left. This structure is what will build the foundation for a life that you are in control of and feel secure in.

The notion that budgeting only works for the wealthy or those who make “enough” money enables a wider culture of instant gratification. Of course, nationwide poverty and high inflation are destabilising, but, in a roundabout way, they might now be the prompt young Nigerians need to spend less recklessly.

“You’d better buy it now, next week it will cost more.” 

Dearest, do you even need it now? The country is unstable, but must you follow suit?

Saving is another part of financial literacy that many young Nigerians neglect, so we’ll leave you with this: while investments build wealth, savings give you the leeway to manoeuvre in tight situations.

Saving money won’t make you rich, but it gives you something only rich people can afford: options.

Anyway, all we can do is try, which is why you’re getting The ₦aira Navigation Index fresh out of the oven.

So hot it might burn your tongue, but take it easy, dear. One step at a time.

The ₦aira Navigation Index

The show is such a phenomenon that academic research papers have been written on its Moral Implications on Nigerian Youths, and apart from the eye-watering millions of Naira contestants stand to win, they also use the platform as a springboard into serious fame.

Tacha? Mercy? Phyna? Ring a bell?

Anyway, if you’re reading this, you know a thing or two about the show, which is why you may have unconsciously—or consciously—modelled your life after it.

There’s no judgment here, dear, we’re all the main characters in our individual lives.

But how far do you take it?

Here’s how to tell if you’re the star and producer of your own Big Brother Naija House.

Your Group Chat is the Diary Room

For you, there is nothing quite like taking centre stage in the group chat and just confessing/venting/downloading to your friends. You become something of an academic, providing irrefutable references (screenshots/recordings, voice memos, Instagram handles…) because what are you, if not thorough?

Infamous Dairy Session kick-offs include: “So, there’s this guy…”, “Blood of Jesus”, “Ehen, I even forgot to gist you guys about…” and our favourite, “AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!”.

Your group chat is where you land after every flight, and the one place you shed your big boy/babe shoes and let yourself cry, laugh or hate as the situation demands.

And certain situations demand quite a lot.

You’re in a Strategic Alliance You Won’t Admit (Entanglement, anyone?)

As much as you love a diary sesh, there are just some things that have to stay between you… and someone else. 

Maybe you know that things between you and said person won’t go anywhere, but what’s a bit of fun in the house? It’s not “real”, is it?

Even if it is clownery, at least you’re self-aware. Which makes you better than 90% of other clowns. Yes, we did the math. 

Or maybe both of you have a defined end goal; we will leave that definition to you, housemate.

Anyway, we’re not saying anything o, but we have a gist filled story about situationships, that you can check out.

Again, we are not saying a word.

You Soft-Evict People All the Time!

As both producer and audience of the show, you have the power to fling anyone out of the house at will, and you aren’t shy to exercise that power whenever the need arises.

Only the diary room (your group chat) knows just how many people you’ve ghosted, soft-blocked, and full-on cut off.

They call you strict, but are you?

You just know exactly what you want, and the types of people who can give that to you.

One plus one being two, and all that.

Anyway, we’re sat for the next Sunday eviction, please, ride on.

You’re Performing for Invisible Cameras

This is yet another nod to your excellent skills as a producer; the best reality shows are, as the name suggests, the truest to life.

So, of course, cameras are hidden to make the experience as life-like as possible.

But, because the audience is invisible, it doesn’t mean they aren’t there; you still have to look your best, and never let them catch you with an unsavoury expression—even if your housemate serves you the jollof rice she forgot Lot’s wife in.

Yes, you always have a fresh cut, no, there isn’t an event, yes, you’re wearing your best jeans to go and buy bread.

And what about it?

There’s Always a Plot Twist

There are a few words some might use to describe you, but predictable can never be one of them.

You ended up with your ex? Don’t worry, jare, they said the third time’s the charm. 

Yesterday, you were complaining about NEPA with the rest of us, but your Snapchat story from two hours ago says you’re now in Marrakesh? Can’t let your enemies predict your next move. 

Another extension of your unpredictability is your penchant to make the most sus relationships last longer than is scientifically possible.

Your babe cheated on you with your uncle, but when she explained her point of view (one day last year, you didn’t pick up her call, so she called your father’s brother, and he picked up), you couldn’t help but empathise.

You were the one who didn’t answer her, so you understood.

Others marvel at your tolerance, but c’mon. This is the love of your life here; what’s one or two unfortunate happenings?

Nothing do you, jare.

Anyway, dearest reader and housemate, there is something supremely unique about recognising and owning your main character syndrome.

If you nodded your head at three out of five of these signs, then you’re probably already living your reality star dreams, and we, as the benevolent monarchs we are, are here to invite both self-awareness and indulgence into the dairy room.

This is why our Big Brother (The Real One) Index exists: to hurry along  your manifestations.

The Big Brother (The Real One) Index

Please, let’s not lie to ourselves.

From government officials lavishly looting the futures of the electorate, to you, frantically swallowing meat from your mother’s pot at night.

There is God o.

Anyway, corruption has a younger sibling; she takes some of the spirit of her big sis, but less of the uglier, overt force.

She is demure, subtle, and people love her because she makes things easy in a country where the bare minimum, like getting a voter’s card or not falling into a pothole while commuting, is tougher than undercooked shaki.

Her name is, Nepotism.

Now, Nigerian netizens have recently fallen upon a small sect of the nation; those kissed by nepotism, necked by “connection”, and nurtured by privilege.

Who are those? Why, The Nepotism Babies, dear!

These are the privileged few who have direct and/or indirect access to resources, information and influence that make average life, for them, just a tad easier.

Compared to the average Nigerian, they – Nepo Babies – range from slightly advantaged to so privileged that they are not even seeing others.

So, are you one of them, dear?

Should we call your name when it’s time to eat the rich and redistribute the wealth to the masses?

We know you’re curious, and so are we. Let’s find out.

Can buy a bunch of plantains in 2025 without fainting/immediate cardiac arrest

In the years of our lord T-pain, fresh produce has risen from an important necessity to almost ostentatious luxury.

Gone are the days of buying a sizable bunch of bananas for ₦1500/2000. Buying such a prized commodity – because, at this point, it is – will now set you back a crazy ₦6000, give or take.

In the same market where people are selling yams in slices, you’re buying a bunch of ripe plantains, and you think you’re on the same level as the rest of us?

Please, drop your address, you can’t finish it all alone.

Internships at a family member’s company – no CV, no interview, just vibes.

Let’s set the scene: IT (Internship/Industrial Training) year rolls around in uni, and you’re tasked with finding a place to accept you as an intern, even with your bad character.

While the plebians (your classmates) were frantically sending out applications or even physically rounding their cities, handing out CVs, all you had to do was tell mum you needed an internship for the break, and all she had to do was call HR of her office to make sure there would be an extra chair and desk for you when you got to work on Monday morning.

No stress, no gra gra. You slid in like an oiled hinge.

You see that oil? It’s from a brand called “Nepo”, dear.

You call long breaks from school “summers”

Speaking of school… a childhood of Disney, Nickelodeon, and yearly vacations has influenced your vocabulary.

You don’t say  “Omo, I can’t wait for the long break”, because what even is a long break? Razz. Where’s the fun? The buzz?

It’s Summer!

After a grand acknowledgement of this fact, your parents would then posit a most crucial quandary: Where should we go for Summer vacation this year?

So, you sweet summer (Nepo) child, do you see that your struggles are just a tad different from regular country folk?

We also love Italy and the rest sha, so anywhere you’re going, we don’t mind accompanying you.

Someone “worked” your NYSC placement for you

Most Nigerian graduates register with the National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) for their service year shortly after leaving university – a scheme that sends people to the far reaches of the country and is chaotic at best and dangerous at its worst.

But we’re not here to lament the gradual demise of a national unity programme; you already know how it is.

Letting the Nigerian government decide your fate is risky business.

That’s why even before you registered, you paid your “plug” on the inside to make sure you got posted to a state of your choosing.

Oh, Nepotism, the lubricant you are!

You have an Airfryer in your kitchen.

There is just something so pretentious about an air fryer.

It is, essentially, a non-essential that owners always find a way to make sound like the most amazing modern creation.

Frying things with oil is just so unhealthy! My air fryer makes me try different recipes and ways of cooking! My air fryer keeps food warm, cleans my kitchen, and cures my depression! 

You’re a nepo baby, dear. Our science proves it.

You don’t think about electricity – you have an inverter, duh

There is a kind of rain that pours so hard you have to wonder if God is upset.

Which is a strong possibility, because some Nigerians are eating pizza with egusi, and isn’t that enough to anger even the most benevolent of gods?

Anyway.

This is usually when Nigerian electricity providers do their jobs – take light – but while your friends scramble in the dark, you romanticise the downpour, snuggled up in a blanket, watching To Kill A Monkey. 

You didn’t even notice the power outage; your inverter quietly picked up.

Odogwu Silencer. You are not with us, please.

Anyway, 

As you can see, being a “Nepo Baby” in Nigeria – at least by Twitter’s standards – is essentially about privilege: the privilege of being somewhat insulated from the country’s failings and dangerous edges.

For Nigerians, the term – despite its more literal, American origins (it blew up in 2022 in reference to the well-connected children of Hollywood elites) – is less about actual nepotism and more about escaping the very bottom rung of the Nigerian dysfunction ladder.

Makes you think, hm?

Anyway, are you a Nigerian “Nepo Baby”?

If you’re not, or if you don’t mind extra help, our Small Plug Index is here for you.

No be everytime, “Who is your plug?” sometimes, be the plug. 

The Small Plug Index

Following a clip of her pouting at the camera, she will then show the camera how backed up the traffic in front of her Uber is, because she is hashtag relatable.

After she arrives at the salon and her hair is done in approximately forty single braids, interwoven with the stringiest curls you’ve ever seen, she will then tell you how “worth it” it was to get her hair done for ₦100k.

One. Hundred. Thousand. Naira.

At this point, you will close the app and throw your phone into a pot of soup and begin to warm it on the stove, since we are all playing games here.

Social media (specifically in Nigeria) rarely reflects what the average reality looks like.

The truth is, most Nigerians are struggling to make ends meet. Between looking for a job, taking 3 digital courses, and/or rushing to meet deadlines on one job before your other boss notices you’re absent, the only time you have to “enjoy life” is probably the hour after you finish laundry on Saturdays – after that, you have to get to ironing and putting it all away for the week.

Rinse and repeat.

Most Nigerians don’t have trust funds or weighty bank accounts – at this point, even sugar daddies are asking for receipts – but that doesn’t mean your life has to look like spoiled vegetable soup.

It is out of this grim reality that we bring forth some tips - sage words of wisdom, if you will – you can implement to give your life some of the oomph it deserves.

Sit, young onion, let us teach you how to romanticise your life – even with Tinubu managing your bank account for you.

Make sleep an event

There are some things everyone, regardless of status or standing, does.

Sleep is one of them.

Why not elevate the experience? After all, if you have a bad night, chances are, you will have a bad day.

Start with the sheets

There is nothing more luxurious than the feeling of getting into a bed with fresh, crisp sheets. If you have only one set, make washing your sheets a weekly thing, and if you have multiple, change them weekly.

Feeling extra? Sprinkle some essential oils on your sheets just after you make your bed in the morning, so when night comes, you retreat into a cloud of subtle scent. Check out Httperfumes for discounted designer fragrances. Yum!

Make nightly showers a personal ritual

After you’ve gone through the effort of washing your sheets, making your bed, and spraying your perfume, won’t you at least be clean before you lie in it? Take it a step further and make it a little spa session.

Switch off the lights, put a chill playlist/podcast on, turn off notifications, light a candle, lather up, and acknowledge your main character-ness in that moment. You deserve moments of calm that are tailored for you. Plus, warm showers are proven relaxers, which means better sleep.

Feeling extra? Make a body scrub from raw honey and granulated sugar for your shower. Write in your journal (from Good Mood Tribe, maybe?). Turn off the lights in your room, and burn some incense so when you get out, it’s dark and slightly smoky – just the right atmosphere for intimacy. With yourself, obviously. 

Food should be an experience

Maybe you can only afford lunch at Lantees once in a while, but what about the everyday?

Drink everything out of fancy/interesting glasses

Even Milo becomes elevated when you drink it out of a mason jar with ice. Have some water in a wine glass with an orange slice. Sip zobo from a glass cup and top it off with a cinnamon stick for the aesthetic. Check out Kitchenthrift for your next favourite mug, and sip tea while you work.

People on Twitter have dubbed it – tea – a “class signifier” anyway.

Plate your meals Asian style

In many East Asian cuisines, meals are built around a central dish of steamed rice, often accompanied by multiple small side dishes. This makes even the most basic meals seem elegant and intentional – everything is spread out and plated individually, like a personal buffet.

The concept is easy to replicate;

Rice and beans with beef stew: rice goes in the largest bowl, while the stew and beef go in smaller, accompanying bowls. You can even cut up the meat, so eating is a breeze. Luxury really is the little things.

It’s the same thing if it were pounded yam, soup, stew and meat. Plate each element individually, and see how it makes each meal feel like a little feast. You’re welcome.

Have fruit with your meals (if you can)

This piggybacks off of the last tip, reserve a small bowl for an orange or two and divide it into quarters. Instantly Insta-worthy.

Fruity feast: What’s more intentional than a balanced bounty?

Soundtrack your life

How can you be the main character if you don’t have a soundtrack? (Unless you’re hearing impaired, then ride on to the next section, dear)

Always have something playing

Filling your space with sound, thumping bass or soft furniture music, is one of the easiest ways to romanticise your life. Even if you don’t want to make a playlist of your own, piano music helps boost romantic moods (if this is your vibe, check out Ahmad’s dark academia playlist on Apple Music and Spotify), afrobeats/house is great for when you want some energy, and some R&B sets the mood to yearn.

You know what? check out The Purple Jazz if you’re really about that playlist life.

Make playlists for niche moments specific to you

Yes, yes, Spotify and Apple Music have their sleep, chill and work playlists, but do they accurately capture how you feel when you’re walking to the bus stop in the morning? The ginger you need when you’re blasting through sets at the gym? The chaotic disaster of commuting through a rainy standstill in your city?

Taking time to curate playlists that reflect your experiences, and naming them accordingly – “Rainy afternoon in Abuja”, “Sunday run”, “Main character: Walking in public” – is top-tier self-love.

Explode in your space

When you’re up and busy, or even a young adult still living at home, it can be easy to forget that the space you inhabit is yours, and you have the power to personalise – read; romanticise – your experience in that space.

How?

Print and put up art/posters/drawings/pictures on your walls

Personal touches like this are the difference between a storage crate and the bedroom of a human being with a personality. You can even buy a small canvas and watercolours and make it a fun activity. Scenes when you’re bragging to your friends about how you “commissioned” the art in your room. Maybe check out Arteasy to get started…

Elevate the ambience with mood lighting

Ambience: When working on a screen in a dark room, place light (a lamp, maybe) behind the screen to alleviate eye-strain. You’re welcome. 

There are few things as cinematic as varying lighting options in your space; Line underneath your bedframe or walls with LED strip lights, splurge on a little galaxy projector or golden hour sun lamp, want to take things up a notch? switch out your regular light bulbs for those that cycle through different colors – its both functional and aesthetic.

We think you’ll like things at Decor and More, check them – and more – out in our Index.

Wash your curtains and open the windows

Windows are your biggest source of ventilation and natural light, and we all know that natural light makes any space look both larger and prettier.

We don’t make the rules.

Anyway, make it a habit to open the curtains and windows first thing in the morning, as a way to invite fresh air and light into your space.

Transcorp Hilton no do pass this one nau. 

Feeling extra? Spray some perfume/essential oils on your curtains to curate even the air that enters your space. Doesn’t get more extra than that, really.

Become an upcycling interior designer.

They said charity begins at home.

We say, so can interior decor; Turn empty wine bottles into flower vases, use empty jam jars to display interesting rocks you find/marbles, use empty candle jars/tins as cotton swab holders, use old tomato paste tins to house your plants, use old ankara as table cloth/pillow cases, use a thin plastic bowl for a pendant light…

Upcycle: Old jam jars turned into a cotton wool holder and a container for Turare wuta (incense), with an old candle glass serving as its chamber.

There are so many ways you can repurpose and romanticise old things, you just have to open your mind to the possibilities.

Use your best things on random days – you only live once

Another day has ended, that new shirt, you’re still waiting for the “right time” to wear it, abi?

It is well.

You’d better start wearing your clothes. When the special moments come, they come, and if they don’t, they don’t.

Don’t postpone enjoyment for anyone or anything; every day is the right time to make yourself feel good. Use that special candle, wear that dress, spritz that perfume.

Aren’t they yours? Toh.

If you’re looking for how to give yourself a pat on the back, you can check out our enjoyment guide in the index. Of course, we have one.

So…

Enjoying everyday life is about elevating mundane experiences. Make it a challenge: how can I make myself more excited about the little things? 

Anyways, apart from our enjoyment guide, we also collated The Small Joys Index, where you can find things that will help you settle into your own life just a little bit more.

No need to thank us, dear (there is, but we’re being modest).

The Small Joys Index

See, if you don’t take enjoyment seriously, you will just die for nothing, and the people at your burial will eat your jollof rice, and that will be that.

I will even ask them for two meats because me too no small.

Anyway, Nigeria is hard, a fact.

But is that why all you have to post on your Snapchat story are memories?

I didn’t see an obituary, dear. Why are you acting like your best times are behind you? You no dey breathe?

Anyway, if you’re a regular here, you already know that the reason I wake up every day is inextricably tied to jollity. Enjoyment. Delectation.

More specifically, how can I enjoy this one life I have to the fullest? What can I do today to spark a joy so absurd that even my enemies have to congratulate me?

Well, my quest for the answer to these philosophical queries landed me in a quiet spot tucked into a corner of swanky Maitama, Abuja.

Sit well, dear, let me tell you how it went.

Lantees Cafe: First Impressions

The cafe is literally tucked into a corner, and if you don’t know where you’re going, you’d pass the gate to the Sarious Palmetum Botanical Gardens – where the cafe is.

According to their Instagram, the bistro is “A space of warmth and nature-inspired flavours”, and the stone walls and palm plants oh-so-aesthetically placed throughout the space – both in and outdoors – reflect that.

Outdoor seating at Lantees Cafe

The space takes full advantage of its location , with the huge windows letting in maximum light, and pulling your attention to the view of the flora outside. This neat little design trick makes the space seem larger than it really is – It’s a bit small – and the earth tones and plants inside do a great job at making you feel a bit more connected to nature.

Inside Lantees Cafe

Also, their lighting? Golden, tasteful, and ambient. Nothing glaring or tacky, i.e., great for pictures.

Okay, enough waffling, let’s get to the meat of things.

Menu & Pricing

Their menu is very breakfast/brunch-esque, so, think French toast, granola bowls, coffee, sandwiches, salads, and pizza. Also, for pricing, we’re talking about ₦25k-ish for a dish and drink.

Anyways, as soon as I spied a pasta, I was sold.

Penne Pesto – (₦13,700) + smoked beef (₦4000)
Penne Pasta, Homemade Fresh Pesto, Cream, with added smoked beef.

6.5/10. As you can see, the plating? Gorgeous. The dish was also deeper than it appeared, so I got a pretty decent amount of pasta, which I will always approve of. It even came with a small serving of grated cheese.

Now, the pasta itself; the pesto was subtle, but still umami and rich – If you’ve never had pesto before, this is a good starting point -  and the smoked beef was grated (?) and incorporated into the dish well enough that I could taste it from first bite to the last, but the noodles themselves were just a tiny bit past al dente (slightly overdone).

My biggest gripe with the dish overall – seconded by the grated beef -  was how the flavours came together at the base, but lacked completeness because of one element.

Salt. 

More specifically, a lack of it.

While the heartiness of the grated cheese lent flavour, I was furiously tapping the saltshaker over my food every two bites.

The ambience and the pesto were points for Lantees, but the lack of salt felt like sitting just below the peak of a mountain and imagining what it would be like on top.

If I’m being honest, a pinch or two of salt, would have carried the dish into the 8-9/10 category.

Lemon, Ginger & Lemongrass tea (Iced) – ₦6500

8/10. If you saw my Moeshen Cafe review, you’d know I love acidity in my drinks as a sort of palate cleanser and flavour enhancer.

This fit the bill almost perfectly; light, tangy, refreshing, cool and subtly fragrant. I would have loved if a bit more ginger came through to give it some punch, but I still enjoyed it between bites of my food.

Total spend: ₦24,200 + ₦3025 (5% Service Charge and 7.5% VAT) = ₦27,225

If you’re on a budget, just make sure you leave room for some friends – namely, Service Charge and Value Added Tax – so when they jump into your final bill you aren’t too surprised.

Who should go?

Lantees is a great breakfast and lunch spot for people who enjoy a relaxed, tastefully nature-inspired atmosphere and don’t mind spending a little bit more to dine in it.

It’s also a beautiful spot for pictures, both inside and out, and there’s a botanical garden – the Sarious Palmetum Botanical Gardens -  right down the road, so it’s great for a postprandial walk, which I took.

Verdict

Lantees Cafe is gorgeous, tastefully understated, and a bit more expensive than your average lunch spot – especially if you’re watching pennies. But then, its tucked into the heart of one of Abuja’s more high(er) brow areas, so can you really say you’re surprised?

Entrance to Lantees Cafe

Was it worth the money? 

Well, I can’t say I didn’t enjoy my experience at Lantees; the space was beautiful, chic and grounding in a way I enjoyed, the service was super kind and speedy, and that is a huge plus in my books.

But, the food did let me down, and I left wishing I could say something better about my meal. Especially because Lantees is the sort of place you treat yourself to – the average Nigerian isn’t spending ₦25k and above on lunch every day.

So, right now, I wouldn’t say it wasn’t worth it, but I also won’t stand ten toes down that it was. I would revisit, but I probably wouldn’t have the pasta again.

Once bitten, twice shy, and all that.

Anyways, if you liked Lantees, we’ve come up with an index of other places we think will tickle your fancy. Think of it as an extension of our Chop Life Church Member, and Chop Life Deaconess Indexes.

The Chop Life Church Usher Index. It’s a mouthful, but no be you wan chop life?

The Chop Life Church Usher Index

Also, our last quick ask: what are some of your favourite places to get a good bite? Anywhere we should review next? Comment under this, or talk to us on Twitter, Instagram, or Threads.

Our ears are open; put something inside.

Let’s talk reality things for a second.

In March 2025, nearly 80% of Unified Tertiary Matriculation Examination (UTME) candidates scored below 200 – the worst performance since 2021. While the official cut-off is 140, many universities only admit students scoring 200 or more.

Public outcry followed, with the #ThisIsNotMyResult hashtag trending and reports of a candidate’s suicide. Following this, JAMB was forced to admit a system glitch had affected 379,000 candidates across 157 centres.

Makes you wonder what would have happened – or not happened – had people been silent…

Anyway, a resit was scheduled, and the board claimed a record number of candidates then scored 250+ – the best since 2013.

Social media erupted in celebration.

But what about Faith Opesusi Timileyin, the 19-year-old who took her own life after seeing her result?

Of the affected candidates, over 336,000 retook the exam, while 21,000+ were absent. A mop-up test has been promised – but what about the emotional toll? The anxiety? The money and energy spent?

No one has been held accountable. And once the retweets stop, will anything change?

This issue reinforces the need for structure, partnerships, and support systems in our activism efforts, and it’s why we’re here.

Our first Outrage to Action article in the series outlined basic ways to push for change; digital petitions, email campaigns, and mass reporting. We even gave a neat little toolkit to streamline the process of demanding accountability from your political representatives.

This article steps things up a notch; How can young Nigerians mobilise their money, forge partnerships, build movements, and make a difference?

Section 1: The Power of Partnerships – Why You Need To Ally With Organisations

The truth is, it’s hard to turn outrage into action when you’re doing it all by yourself.

Think of a good article – like this one, ahem – what gives it weight are the references backing it up. Movements work the same way. When media houses, legal orgs, or fintechs support a cause, they act as powerful “references,” helping it gain credibility and momentum.

Your choice in ally depends on what your cause is; want to take an offending agency to court? Focus on legal organisations. Want to expose an ugly injustice? Consider allies in the media space.

Trying to raise money for a grassroot project or help victims of injustice get back on their feet? Collaborate with fintechs, crowdfunding platforms, or even local businesses with social impact goals – they can help amplify your reach and streamline donations.

However, for the sake of brevity, we will focus here on legal and media allies. Just a quick quick one.

Okay, so, what Legal Organisations?

The Headfort Foundation, and Amnesty International exist to pull the government up on their errors toward you, the citizen.

How do I collaborate with them?

Asking the real questions, hm.

Legal Backing for Campaigns and Protests

The Nigerian government has a nasty reputation for detaining people who speak against their actions. During physical protests, they use the excuse of “keeping the peace” to justify these unlawful incarcerations, and outside of such protests, journalists like Fisayo Soyombo and Dele Farotimi have been detained for bringing ugly stuff to light.

Groups like the aforementioned often step in during such incidences, so, before a protest or campaign, you can contact legal NGOs to put them on standby in case of arrests or government pushback.

You’re ensuring that you have help if anything goes wrong.

Wisdom.

Legal Literacy and Capacity Building

Some believe ignorance is a tool the government uses to keep people subdued.

We agree.

A 2024 UNICEF report shows only 26% of Nigerian kids aged 7–14 have basic reading and math skills, and with an estimated 31% adult illiteracy rate, it’s fair to say many Nigerians aren’t well-versed in the law.

(Side note: there’s no recent data on literacy rates – telling, isn’t it?)

Many legal organisations offer workshops and digital toolkits on key civic issues. You – or your workplace, or even a group of friends with a following – can invite them to speak on Instagram Lives, Twitter Spaces, TikTok, or community group chats.

If possible, take it offline: rent a small hall or market space and host conversations on FOI rights, what to do if arrested, how to sue a government agency, and your rights to protest.

Something something being forewarned and arms?

Petition Review and Strategic Framing

Ask any lawyer you know, law is 90% word choice and nailing the details so you don’t get bamboozled in the future. Why do you think they talk so much?

Anyway, you can collaborate with them by consulting them before launching a petition or statement, as legal groups can help vet the language so it doesn’t unintentionally contain defamation or weak demands.

They can also advise on what laws or rights your campaign should anchor on – which makes your case stronger and more compelling.

Follow who know road o!

What about media allies?

Collaborating with media outlets like HumAngle, The Foundation for Investigative Journalism, and journalists like Fisayo Soyombo, and Adesuwa Giwa are ways to solidify your cause because they have a reputation for standing on business when it comes to pressing issues.

And if there is one thing Nigerian issues are, it’s pressing.

Think of the media as a Bluetooth speaker. If the song sounds good on your phone, imagine how much better it’ll be amplified.

How do I collaborate with them?

Tag them on social media and provide information

As we said in our first article, social media is a great way to get the ball rolling. If you see something happening in your corner – could be your street, area or even state – that isn’t getting enough attention, make a thread on Twitter or a photo dump on Instagram with verified evidence/details, give context in the caption and tag these media houses and/or journalists.

Remember, journalists need strong leads, so make it worth their time.

Even just getting noticed by these organisations and journalists with larger followings improves the chances of the issue being at least seen by people.

Amen?

Pitch Personal Stories

Sometimes, the most powerful stories come directly from those who’ve lived them. These individual experiences might even highlight gaps in some media houses’ coverage.

If you’re a writer – or someone personally affected by government injustice – consider pitching your experience to them. It’s a meaningful way to spotlight the issue beyond social media, and it can also add a published story from a reputable platform to your portfolio.

Saving the world and getting yours out of it too? You’re too much, dear.

Support them financially

Media, like most forward-facing businesses, are expensive to start and run.

Why not support houses that write great stories and publish work that pushes for better?

(Like us)

Media houses, like The Republic or FIJ, accept assistance in varying forms – advertising, partnerships, sponsorships, and donations.

It doesn’t have to be a million Naira, it doesn’t even have to be ₦50k, but in a country where many traditional media outlets have political backing, supporting independent journalism sustains people who are really doing the work.

Abobi, press jare, nothing do you.

Section 2: Show Me the Money – Crowdfunding for Justice

Is there really movement without money?

Every revolution needs resources, and what better way to acquire said resources than from the people who need the revolution? Crowdfunding means exactly what it sounds like; gathering money from the masses to push a project forward.

This money can be used for legal fees, trauma counselling, transportation of protesters, digital and traditional campaigns, and if things really get sticky, to protect movement leaders from harm.

The money can also be used to sustain grassroots efforts like building safe shelters, buying relief materials, or running voter education campaigns in underserved communities – lord knows we need those.

How do I crowdfund?

Tools like Naijafund and Donate-ng are great for local crowdfunding, as they make it easy for people to donate in Naira, and publicly keep track of how much is being raised.

When writing copy for the campaign, try to keep it tight; a clear goal, urgent language, visuals, and a reason why it matters now – not tomorrow.

Also, remember that transparency is key. After all, you are collecting people’s hard-earned money in an economy that’s already frowning.

Regular updates, clear use of funds, public receipts, and even IG stories showing progress can help communicate a sense of accountability to donors. The EndSARS campaign showed that it’s very possible for people to put their money where their mouths are – they just have to be motivated enough.

Imagine the good that can come of a collaborative crowdfunding campaign backed by The Foundation for Investigative Journalism…

Anyway, we’ve picked some campaigns that we think deserve your coin. Check them out in the Project Nigeria Index below.

Let’s start thinking, people.

Section 3: You, the Citizen Journalist

Maybe it’s time we take things into our own hands, hm?

In this age, anyone with a smartphone is a media house; you can document in almost every format, and publish from the same device.

It’s easier than ever to be a citizen journalist.

But before you go off to start your own AIT, let’s talk about what counts as a “story.”

What Counts as a Story?

Don’t wait for something “big.”

Everyday Nigeria is already a political pot of beans, and news outlets are already reporting the big stories, so, think local, think relevant:

• A flooded classroom or leaking roof in your local school
• A video of police brutality – paired with the victim’s identity and location
• A health centre with no staff on duty/understaffing
• The rising cost of food in your area, shown through photos or receipts
• A government promise/project from two years ago that’s still not fulfilled

If it affects lives, it’s a story.

Okay, where can I post my work?

We thought you’d never ask.

• Twitter and/or Threads: Fast-paced, real-time updates. Great for virality and pressure.
• Blogs or Medium/Substack: Longer, reflective essays. Perfect for breakdowns, opinion pieces, or timelines. Talk your shit here.
• WhatsApp Groups and Statuses: One of Nigeria’s biggest communication tools. Share updates with friends and family – some of them are journalists, policymakers, or lawyers themselves.
• Submit to Independent Outlets: Places like the media allies we mentioned in section one accept citizen stories. Some even pay. No dull yourself, dear.

At the end of the day…

Did your mother give birth to you to come and suffer and die?

We highly doubt that, dearest.

So why are we seemingly so content to sit in poop? Nations are sending people to the moon, but we are still tackling wonky power supply.

Giant of Africa, they said you are sleeping, but it’s like you will wake up o.

This waking up starts with you, power is not just in the post – it’s in who you tag, who you fund, and who you inform.

Want to contact a journalist or legal organisation? Launch or donate to a social cause? Get your hands dirty and become a citizen journalist?

That’s what our Project Nigeria Index is for. With us, you can never be stranded.

The Project Nigeria Index

Just like chewing gum, bread, and children, love comes in varying shapes and sizes.

But, living in a predominantly monogamous society can eclipse that reality and make other forms of love and connection look… a bit odd.

Nigeria is largely split between Islam in the North and Christianity in the South, with a mix of both – and traditional religions – in the central region, and per the dominant religions, most of the country is either monogamous – one man to one woman – or polygynous - one man married to multiple women.

While there are some traditional systems – like female husband practices – that challenge a strictly patriarchal or heteronormative view of marriage, the mainstream structures still tend to;

• Places more importance on men as owners, and women as things to be acquired
• Limits what love can look like, and who can love whom

But, if we learned anything from our Secular Nigerian piece, it’s that things are rarely so neatly boxed up, and it only takes a bit of prodding to find people who live outside the mould.

So, is it a surprise that we did exactly that?

By “that”, we mean braving the wild and diverse Nigerian Gen Z population to find people with love stories (ahem, and gist, ahem) that highlight experiences that are a bit more… avant garde than Bolaji falling in love with Ada.

Cue, Polyamorous folks.

The word Polyamory comes from ancient Greek and Latin, quite literally translating to “many love”. It is desiring or being in multiple intimate relationships at the same time with the full knowledge and consent of all parties involved.

Now that we’re all caught up, let’s introduce you to our poly folk…

Meet our Poly Peeps

Jafar: A 25-year-old polyamorous man living in Ibadan, Oyo state, who has been in multiple poly relationships, but is currently monogamous with his partner. We spoke about how his neurodivergence shaped his love life (he’s autistic), and why he doesn’t understand “jealousy”. Oh, there was also some stuff about how he was introduced to BDSM at 17, but you’ll have to get into it yourself to find out the details.

Timi: A 22-year-old Lagos babe working as an executive assistant and currently in two poly relationships with two women. She gushed about how being loved by women as a woman genuinely changed her life, her “straight era”, the importance of being a strict babe, what cheating looks like to her, and the one time a couple approached her. She also coined the phrase “Real lover scarcity”, and we must give 10s where they are due.

We won’t make you wait, so listen for the full gist! (You can also read along, but it doesn’t hit as hard as the audio.)

Their stories

Jafar

Ahmad:
So yeah, let's get into it. What's your current relationship setup like?

Jafar:
Right now, I'm in a monogamous relationship.

Ahmad:
But you're polyamorous?

Jafar:
Yes.

Ahmad:
Okay, okay. We'll get into that. How did you first come into polyamory?

Jafar:
I first saw the word in my dad’s library, maybe when I was 12 or 13—just after junior WAEC. I asked him about it, and he said he’d get back to me. That evening, he told me he’d done some research and explained it to me, though he didn’t really get how it worked.

I didn’t think much of it again until my first year in university. I was sexually involved with someone who then introduced me to a friend of hers. The friend said she wanted to be in a relationship with me—and didn’t mind that I was also seeing her friend. I wasn’t even looking for a relationship at the time, but she really broke it down for me. She also introduced me to BDSM.

Ahmad:
I see.

Jafar:
I’ve always had this thing—if I like something, I want to share it. Like, if I get a new toy, I want my friends to play with it too. If I make a new friend, I want to introduce them to my other friends. It messes with my head when I have to hide things or put people in hierarchies.

So when I learned more about polyamory, it just made sense. I’ve never believed that we’re meant to love just one person forever. We’re capable of loving multiple people, so why restrict yourself?

And I don’t like that sense of ownership in romantic relationships. That “this person is mine” vibe—it doesn’t sit well with me. Even as someone who enjoys domination in BDSM, I always tell my subs: you are your own person. We’re here by choice. We should be living our own lives, and choosing to share experiences—not owning each other.

Ahmad:
With you, yeah.

Jafar:
Exactly. So when I got into my first monogamous relationship, it was really hard. I didn’t understand jealousy or possessiveness. Like, I’d be talking to my female friends and my partner would get upset. I was confused because, to me, they were just friends.

That’s when I realised—being polyamorous is a bit like being bi. Being bi doesn’t mean you’re always dating both genders at once. You can be with one or the other or both. Same thing with polyamory—you can be poly but in a monogamous relationship.

Ahmad:
So when did you fully realise, “Oh, I think I’m polyamorous”?

Jafar:
At 17.

Ahmad:
Okay, self-awareness.

Jafar:
I've been in therapy for most of my life, so I guess that helped.

Ahmad:
Fair enough. So do you tell people you’re poly? And how do they usually react?

Jafar:
I don’t usually tell people unless we’re close. Most of the time, when I do, they assume I’m just a cheat or scared of commitment. They’re like, “What do you mean you love more than one person at the same time? You must be lying to one of them.”

Ahmad:
At what point do you tell someone you’re interested in that you’re poly?

Jafar:
I don’t even get romantically interested in people unless I know them well. Most people I like are already my friends, and I’m very open—so it usually comes up naturally. If the relationship starts getting more serious, I’ll bring it up like, “You already know I’m polyamorous—can you work with that?” And if monogamy is what they need at that time, and I feel I can do that too, then we figure it out.

Ahmad:
Okay, so what happens when the person you're seeing says, “Sorry, I can't do polyamory”?

Jafar:
Then it’s a compromise. If they can’t do poly and I also can’t do monogamy at that point, we stay friends—if that’s possible.

Ahmad:
Fair. So, you mentioned you’re currently in a monogamous relationship. Was this one of those situations where she couldn’t do poly, and you chose monogamy?

Jafar:
Yeah, basically. It’s a long story.

Ahmad:
Give me the short version.

Jafar:
Okay, so I was already in a relationship when I met my current partner. And yes—for context, I’m a Yoruba man. [laughs]

Ahmad:
[laughs] Just setting the scene.

Jafar:
So yeah, I was in a relationship, and my then-partner knew I was polyamorous. She was cool with me seeing other people. I met my current partner and we became friends. At the time, I didn’t pick up on her interest—I’m autistic, so if someone doesn’t say things directly, I often miss the signs. So to me, it was platonic.

Two months in, she told me she liked me. I was surprised, like, “Oh, you do?” She was like, “Yeah, I’ve been showing you signs,” and I was like, “I don’t speak sign language!” [laughs]

Meanwhile, she made it clear early on that she wasn’t open to polyamory at all. So I said we should just stay friends.

Ahmad:
And that worked?

Jafar:
For a bit. But she wanted more, and it got uncomfortable for her, so we stopped talking. She got into a new relationship, and we drifted for a while.

Later that year, I had a manic episode—this was December. I had broken up with my partner in November. One day I came across her Snap. She posted something sad, and I just felt something. I hadn’t replied to her Snaps in ages, but I reached out. We talked.

Then on January 24, she called me at midnight. We talked till 7 a.m. It was refreshing.

We started reconnecting. And as things progressed, I reminded her that I’m polyamorous and asked how we could make it work. She said she couldn’t do polyamory. Even the thought of her man talking to someone else upset her.

That was strange to me. But I realised I was in love with her. So I asked myself—can I really do monogamy? I figured it’s just a mindset. If it stops working, we go back to the drawing board. And if we’re still not aligned, we part ways.

She was actually worried about my mental health and didn’t want me to compromise for her. But I thought, “Fuck it. I’m in love. I can do this.” I’d done it before.

It’s been challenging, but honestly, one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

Ahmad:
You mean being in a monogamous relationship with her?

Jafar:
Yes.

Ahmad:
I love that. I’m glad you found someone who makes you feel so deeply. Okay, so, you mentioned your previous relationship was open?

Jafar:
Yeah. She was okay with me seeing other people, but I didn’t actually have any other partners during that time.

Ahmad:
So have you ever been in a relationship where you had multiple partners at once?

Jafar:
Yes.

Ahmad:
Okay. What was that like? Just briefly walk me through the dynamics.

Jafar:
It was challenging. Being in a relationship with one person is hard enough—now imagine doubling or tripling that. Managing time and emotional needs across multiple partners isn’t easy. Everyone wants attention, and if one person feels ignored while you’re with someone else, jealousy can creep in.

Ahmad:
Yeah. You said multiple partners, right?

Jafar:
Yeah.

Ahmad:
So how many?

Jafar:
Three.

Ahmad:
So that’s four including you? That’s wild.

Jafar:
Yeah. It got complex. One of my partners had a partner, and I was with that partner too. Then I had another partner who was just with me. So yeah, spiderweb vibes.

Ahmad:
That sounds… a lot.

Jafar:
It was. Getting everyone to be at least friendly with each other was tricky. I tried to create some kind of connection among them—not necessarily romance, but enough familiarity to reduce tension.

But when it works, it really works. It’s just like a regular relationship, but double the joy—and double the problems.

Ahmad:
Why did it end?

Jafar:
Two of my partners moved abroad, and things with the third just fizzled out.

Ahmad:
Ah, that’s unfortunate. For you, I mean. Great for them.

Jafar:
Yeah, unfortunate for me.

Ahmad:
So what’s a big misconception about polyamory that makes you want to scream when people say it?

Jafar:
People think being polyamorous means you just collect relationships like Thanos collecting Infinity Stones. Like, "Oh, you’re poly? That means you want everyone." No. It’s not about hoarding partners.

Polyamory is about communication. If I’m already in a relationship and I want to pursue someone else, I have to talk to my current partner first. They have to be informed, involved, and agree. You don’t just show up like a Yoruba man with a surprise second wife.

If your current partner isn’t okay with it, then you either step back from pursuing that new person—or you accept the consequences and end the current relationship. It’s still a proper relationship, just not monogamous.

Ahmad:
Yeah, that makes sense.

Jafar:
Also—another big one—people think you can’t cheat in polyamory. Like, "How can you cheat when everyone’s allowed to date others?"

But cheating is still a thing. If you pursue someone without your partner’s knowledge or consent, that’s cheating. Polyamory doesn’t mean "anything goes." Boundaries still exist.

Ahmad:
Facts. Okay, next question: how do you handle jealousy or insecurity, both you and your partners?

Jafar:
So, I don’t actually feel jealousy. I have a condition called alexithymia—it’s the inability to identify or express emotions.

Ahmad:
Whoa. What does that mean in practice?

Jafar:
Growing up, I didn’t understand emotions like jealousy. When people said they were jealous, I’d be like, "Why?" It just didn’t compute. But being in polyamorous relationships forced me to confront it because my partners felt it, even if I didn’t.

One time, I had to talk to my dad about it. I told him, "I don’t understand what my partner wants when she says she’s jealous." And he said, "Ask her. Ask her what’s going on, how she feels, and how you can support her."

Turned out, my partner just wasn’t used to sharing her time with her partner. When she was with me, she wanted me to herself. So I worked to build familiarity between her and the others—got them talking, became friends even if not close.

That way, when I said I was with someone else, it wasn’t this mysterious threat. It became, "Oh, tell her I said hi." It made everything smoother.

So yeah—communication and empathy. That’s how we made it work.

Ahmad:
Yeah. It sounds like there’s a lot of intentionality, communication, and just… a deeper-than-average level of consideration for people’s feelings in those kinds of relationships.

Jafar:
I think, to me, the greatest love language is actually consideration.

Ahmad:
Yes, I believe that too.

Jafar:
It’s consideration. Like, when you do something, you think: How is my partner going to feel about this?
Is there a way I can do it so it won’t hurt them?
And if it is going to affect them, can I minimize the damage?

Ahmad:
Yeah.

Jafar:
Or even—do I have to do it at all?
If I don’t do it, will it affect me negatively?
And if it will, can I reduce how badly it affects me, too?
If none of that works, then I’ll sit with my partner and explain things properly so they understand. That way, it’s not like I’m just springing it on them and expecting them to deal with it because they love me. That’s how resentment starts.

Ahmad:
Yes.

Jafar:
You keep accepting things over and over without talking about them, and one day it just… erupts. And nobody even knows what caused the problem anymore.

Ahmad:
Yeah, it builds up and then bursts.

Jafar:
Exactly.

Ahmad:
So in these kinds of relationships, it can get tricky if you're not both very direct with your expectations and considerate of each other’s feelings.
What kinds of conversations do you usually have with your partners around boundaries?

Jafar:
Hmm. That boundary part… I’m very, very guilty. I get told a lot that I don’t have boundaries.

Ahmad:
What does that mean?

Jafar:
You know how there are certain things people believe you should only do for your romantic partners—not friends?
Me, I don’t understand that. I grew up in a family where, if my dad could help you—even if it hurt him—he would. As long as he had the means, he’d do it first and worry about the consequences later.

That’s how I live my life too.
So, let’s say I have 500k now. If a friend comes and asks to borrow that 500k, and just after that, one of my partners comes and says they need it too… I’ll give it to the friend. Because they asked first.

Ahmad:
Yeah, I get that.

Jafar:
But then people say, “He’s just a friend; I’m your partner—there should be a hierarchy.”
And I don’t understand it. But that’s why I say: communicate with me. Tell me, This is a lapse; there should be a boundary here. Then I’ll say, No problem—next time, I’ll handle it differently.

Ahmad:
Okay. We’ve talked about how you sometimes flout boundaries or don’t understand some social conventions—but what about the reverse?
What are some boundaries you enforce in your relationships? Like, what are things your partner shouldn't do?

Jafar:
My boundaries are simple: Don’t do to me what you wouldn’t want me to do to you.

Ahmad:
But that’s very ambiguous. That’s not very clear.

Jafar:
Yeah… and that’s the problem.
If you do something to me—whether it’s hurtful or not—I’ll assume it’s okay. Because if it were done to you, you wouldn’t have a problem with it.
So I won’t count it as bad.
But if later, you complain when I do the same thing to you, then that’s where we’ll have an issue.

Ahmad:
Yeah.

Jafar:
It’s a bad habit, I know. But my logic is: if you did it to me and I didn’t complain, that means I believe you wouldn’t complain either if it was done to you.
So, if you do complain later, it becomes confusing for me.

Ahmad:
Yeah, it’s very black and white for you, isn’t it?

Jafar:
Exactly. That’s how I see it.
To me, anything goes—as long as I can do it back to you.

Ahmad:
So theoretically, your partner can do anything, as long as you can do it back to them?

Jafar:
Yes. But that’s also why we lay down rules at the start of a relationship.
We talk about things that are hard limits—what we won’t tolerate.
And if something happens later that wasn’t on the list, we go back to the drawing board, talk about it, and add it to the list if necessary.

The issue is, I don’t pick up on social cues easily. So if something is done to me, I’ll assume it’s okay unless we’ve specifically talked about it.

Ahmad:
Do your hard limits change in each relationship, or do you have a specific set you stick to every time?

Jafar:
I don’t think it’s a “limit” in the strict sense. But I have executive dysfunction, and I really don’t like being told what to do. Say I decide on my own to send you a good morning message every day when I wake up. You didn’t ask me to start doing that—I just did. But then one day, something comes up and I miss it. If you respond with attitude or start complaining about it, the joy of doing that thing is gone for me.

Ahmad:
Because now it feels like an obligation.

Jafar:
Exactly. At that point, I’m only doing it out of duty, not because I enjoy it anymore.

I treat people the way I want to be treated. Then I start treating them the way they treat me. So if I’m always doing something—like sending those messages—and it’s not being reciprocated, I’ll eventually get tired. One day, I’ll stop doing it, just to see if you notice. And how you respond to that says a lot.

If you come at me like, “Why aren’t you doing that thing anymore?”—that will definitely trigger me. But if you ask instead, “Hey, is everything okay?”—then we can talk.

Ahmad:
So your rules are very reflective. They’re not rigid or fixed—they change depending on how you feel or how the other person shows up.

Jafar:
Yeah, I kind of mirror people.

Ahmad:
Yeah, yeah. That makes a lot of sense.

Okay, so... do you ever feel the need to hide your relationships from family, friends, or even colleagues?

Jafar:
Yes, definitely. I mean, I’m polyamorous, I’m queer—none of my family members knows I’m queer.

Ahmad:
Yeah...

Jafar:
So of course I have to hide my relationships. I’m also in the BDSM lifestyle. So yeah, I have to.

Ahmad:
Yeah, that question is even kind of funny now that I think about it—like, of course. Duh.

Okay, so do you feel like being polyamorous has changed the way you see love and commitment?

Jafar:
No, I don’t think it’s changed anything. It’s just emphasized what I’ve always known about myself.

Ahmad:
So for you, it’s more like the natural expression of how you’ve always loved?

Jafar:
Yes.

Ahmad:
Okay, okay. So what do you love most about being polyamorous?

Jafar:
I love not having to hide when I’m interested in someone. In a monogamous relationship, you have to suppress that interest, pretend it’s not there. But with polyamory, I get to explore that interest fully. If it fizzles out, I can withdraw. It gives me room to experience people more authentically.

Ahmad:
So you enjoy the emotional freedom.

Jafar:
Yes. I like being able to extend myself emotionally—just feel and be honest.

Ahmad:
And that doesn’t get overwhelming for you?

Jafar:
Oh, it does sometimes. There was a time when I was romantically interested in, like, five people at once.

Ahmad:
Whew!

Jafar:
Separately, of course. I was in a relationship, and my partner at the time was monogamous but open to me having other partners. I wasn’t even actively looking—it just happened.

Ahmad:
So what did you do?

Jafar:
I told everyone the truth: “Hey, I’m confused. I need to dial back and focus on my partner.” I said we could stay friends, and I’d love that, but if it’s too much for them, I understood. That was hard because I hadn’t “fallen in love,” exactly—but I’d formed deep emotional bonds. Letting go felt selfish, even greedy.

Ahmad:
Okay, so another thing I’m interested in exploring—briefly—is what happens when there’s favouritism? Not from a partner, but on your own end. Like, do you ever realise, oh, I think I like this person more than the others? How do you navigate that while still being mindful of everyone’s emotions?

Jafar:
Okay, okay—so this actually reminds me of something my dad used to do. I have two older siblings, but from early on it was obvious I was my dad’s favourite. So what he did was—if any of my siblings needed something, they only had to ask once and he’d sort it out. But with me, it was more complex. He wouldn’t just give me what I asked for, even if he wanted to, because he didn’t want it to look like he was doing it because I was the favourite.

So, there would be a whole conversation between him, my mom, my siblings, and me. The point was to determine: is this something I genuinely need? Can I do without it? Am I asking just because I know he’ll say yes? If it was the latter, the answer would be no.

When I was 15, he sat me down and explained it. He said the reason he handled things that way was because he didn’t want any resentment if something happened to him or my mom. He didn’t want anyone to say, you got more because you were the favourite. He wanted to be seen as fair.

And honestly, that’s how life is. You won’t love everyone equally—but you have to find a way to be just. You have to be fair, so it doesn’t breed animosity among the people involved.

Ahmad:
Even if that means reigning back your feelings for someone so it’s not too obvious?

Jafar:
Yes.

Ahmad:
Okay, so what would you say is the hardest part of being poly?

Jafar:
Communication. Definitely communication. You have to go to your partner and say, “Hey, I met someone, and I’m really interested in them.” That’s not easy. You start wondering—will they be okay with this? Will they let me explore this new connection?

And then you need to understand why you’re interested in that person, and be able to explain it clearly to your partner. That way, they can make an informed decision. And if their answer is no, they also have to be able to explain why. It can’t just be about holding onto you or asserting control—it has to be a valid, understandable reason.

So yeah, having those kinds of honest, vulnerable conversations can be really hard.

Ahmad:
Yeah, I can imagine. Because emotions aren’t always logical, and trying to turn feelings into a rational argument is tough.

So, what advice would you give someone in Nigeria who’s curious about non-monogamy?

Jamal:
First of all, do your research. Read about it, learn what it really means. It’s not just about dating multiple people—it’s a whole mindset and a structure.

Then, try to find a community where you can talk things through with others who are into or exploring non-monogamy. Understand the concept and what you’re getting into.

But most importantly—know yourself. You have to know who you are, what you want, and why you want this. It’s not easy. It can be really challenging. And it’s unfair to your partners if you enter into these kinds of relationships and then start getting cold feet later. Be sure of what you want before bringing other people into it.

Timi

Ahmad: What’s your current relationship setup like?

Timi: I’m polyamorous. I don’t do hierarchy—my lovers are equally important to me. Right now, I have two partners, both women, and I’m so happy. They’re also partnered, and we all get along well. It’s like a little family—everyone looks out for each other.

Ahmad: That’s beautiful. Do your partners know each other?

Timi: Yes, they’re actually friends! I think they'd understand if I ever jokingly asked for a threesome. It’s all rooted in honesty. Everyone knows who likes who, who’s crushing on who. There’s no shame—just love and care.

Ahmad: How did you first hear about polyamory, especially with your Christian background?

Timi: It’s tied to being queer. I first learned about it from a friend who practices hierarchical polyamory. At the time, I was single and curious, and it just made sense to me. Later, I realized I could love multiple people deeply, and I didn’t want to limit myself. Being with someone else who was poly opened my eyes—it just works for me.

Ahmad: What do you love most about being polyamorous?

Timi: It’s peak romance. It’s built on deep honesty and emotional intelligence. You can’t avoid hard conversations—you have to face your insecurities and communicate them. That vulnerability has made me a better person and partner.

Ahmad: Do you tell people upfront that you’re poly?

Timi: Yes, always. It’s not a “manage me like this” thing—it’s just who I am. If someone wants to pursue something, they should know from the start.

Ahmad: How do people usually react?

Timi: I don’t talk to just anyone. I’m demisexual, so I mostly fall for friends. If I’m talking to you romantically, you’re likely already queer and open-minded. And honestly, the average babe I’m into isn’t a stupid person.

Ahmad: “She’s not a stupid person”—I’m crying!

So, you mentioned that you’ve been in a situation where someone—like that monogamous woman—heard you were poly and responded with “That’s cool, but it’s not for me.” I imagine that kind of clarity must be refreshing?

Timi:
Yes, exactly. There was this monogamous woman who was interested in me, and when I told her I was poly, she just said, “Oh, that’s great—so cool that you can love people like that. But I don’t think I could be okay with it.” And it was that simple. It was honest. And it was very good.

Ahmad:
Yeah, okay. That makes sense. So, what are some misconceptions people have about polyamory that you wish you could just debunk once and for all?

Timi:
My goodness, man. Even the poly jokes I see on the timeline—especially on Twitter—you can just tell they’re brewed from a place of ignorance. People assume that Lagos queers or poly people are just cheating, that it’s all sneaky or messy. But honestly, some people just aren’t good people, and that’s not a polyamory problem—that’s a character issue.

Ahmad:
Omo, everybody is everybody abeg. Let’s be real. Let’s tell ourselves the truth.

Timi:
Exactly. People assume we’re sneaking around, but that’s not what it is. In fact, the stakes are higher. My babes are very strict, so I’m very strict. We run a tight ship. I’m not against you seeing other people—but if you’re not telling me? That’s very, very hurtful. As a polyamorous person, I’m hyper-aware of how my actions affect others. I’m careful with people’s hearts.

One huge misconception is that we’re all sexually promiscuous. But I’m demisexual—I don’t form sexual connections easily. That alone cancels the argument that being poly means you just want to sleep around.

Ahmad:
I get that completely. I’m demisexual too, so I really understand where you’re coming from. Okay, so you’ve talked about jealousy and insecurity—those heightened feelings in poly dynamics. I spoke to someone once who said polyamory is like multiples of everything you feel in a “normal” relationship—twice the joy, twice the jealousy, twice the angst.

Timi:
Oh my God, yes. I agree. That’s such a great way to put it.

Ahmad:
So how do you handle jealousy or insecurity—both yours and your partners’?

Timi:
Great question. We do monthly check-ins. Like: “Am I pleasing you enough? Are you getting what you need? Is the energy I started with still what I’m bringing now?” Those conversations help so much. It’s easier to open up when you know your partner won’t dismiss you or call you crazy. Conversations are hard, but they’re a must—you cannot half-ass communication in polyamory.

Some people say they’re ethically non-monogamous but aren’t fully honest or intentional. That hurts people. You have to be sincere. If you’re starting something new with someone, you need to tell them where you’re at mentally—what you can offer and what you can’t. Don’t let anyone feel like they were hoodwinked. That happens too often.

Ahmad:
Okay, okay. So you mentioned feeling starved of affection before—open communication is how you deal with that, right? And when roles are reversed—like when your partner feels jealous—you apply the same principle?

Timi:
Exactly.

Ahmad:
Okay, okay, okay. I love that. I just—I love women. Gosh, I love women. Anyway—
You’ve touched on boundaries and hard limits. What kinds of conversations do you have with your partners around those? What do boundaries typically look like for you?

Timi:
I’m a really chill girl. Very accepting and open-minded. So nine times out of ten, if you bring something to me, I’ll probably say “Okay, cool.” My issue is when you don’t bring it up at all. When you didn’t think I was a safe enough person to share it with. So miscommunication is my biggest boundary—I don’t want vagueness. If something crosses your mind and you think I should know, just tell me. I probably won’t even mind.

Also, as a lesbian, one of my partners is pansexual, so a boundary there is around sexual health. Safety is a priority: regular testing, being honest about anything that feels off. One thing I love about being in queer relationships is how open we are with stuff like that. If I’m having a yeast infection or something, I can say it. It’s not taboo—it’s just real life.

If you’ve had unprotected sex with someone else, I want to be the first to know. I don’t even have strict boundaries around things like friends—you could move to my friend if you wanted—but please don’t break their heart. Just let me know and be kind.

Ahmad:
Yeah, okay. So, what does cheating look like to you?

Timi:
Cheating is lying. It’s knowing you can’t give me what you said you could and not being honest about it. I’ve seen this a lot—not just in poly relationships, in general. People love to perform. They want to look like they’re in the perfect relationship, but they haven’t actually checked if both people are happy.

In my first poly relationship, I felt cheated when my partner left me for someone else—because it turned out she couldn’t do polyamory, and that only came up when I asked. We were already deep in it, already friends. It hurt that she didn’t say it earlier. I just wish she’d told me she couldn’t give me what I needed so I could choose whether to stay. Instead, I was left high and dry. That felt really unfair.

Ahmad:
That makes a lot of sense. One of the first things you said was that you don’t believe in tiered relationships. So how do you deal with—or have you ever dealt with—favoritism? Feeling like, oh, maybe I like X more than I like Y?

Timi:
To say otherwise would be disingenuous. We’re human. There are times when our attention is more focused on one person—especially when they’re new and everything’s exciting and full. But I always have to ground myself. My other partners are still my partners for a reason.

The worst trap for a poly person is thinking another partner can “fill the gap” when one isn’t meeting certain needs. That’s a recipe for disaster. That’s why I keep stressing honesty, communication, checking in.

I’m chill, but I’m also the biggest crash-out. Once I’ve told you I don’t want something and you go ahead and do it? I’m obviously going to react. So I’d rather have the hard conversations. They suck, but they’re necessary.

I’m also a very anxious person, with an anxious attachment style. So I’ll usually talk to my close friends first. That’s another thing—polyamory is about community in different ways. I talk to my people, and they help me figure out how to approach things with love. I don’t want to come at someone too harshly, because I love them.

Even during dry spells, I’m soft with my partners. I still hold them in high regard. Because they’re not substitutes—they’re equals.

Ahmad:
So you’d say it’s normal to hyper-focus on someone at first, especially when it feels like they’re giving you everything—but that you have to make a conscious effort to stay grounded?

Timi:
Absolutely. You have to remind yourself why your other partners matter to you. You chose them for a reason. Grounding yourself is love in action.

Timi
Romance is really important in this context. You can't do polyamory without being romantic—not in the over-the-top, “I must spend all my money” way people always argue about. You know that classic excuse—“Nigeria is hard, I can’t have multiple partners, I don’t even have money!” But it’s honestly just about loving your partner in their love language.

Me, for instance—I love to cook and care for the people I love. It comes naturally. And if I can’t be there physically, I want my words to soothe you. So my love languages are words of affirmation and acts of service. But that doesn’t mean I love everyone the same. It’s still about what my partner needs. If I notice I’m giving one person more attention, I call myself to order and remind myself to love the other the way they want to be loved.

Ahmad
That’s so intentional—I love that. I hope the whole world listens to this interview and learns from it. Bring back intentional lovers, please! What’s happening out there, sorry?

Timi
It’s a real lover scarcity, hahaha.

Ahmad
Thank you! A real lover scarcity. Okay, smashing—what’s it like being poly in Nigeria, where most people expect you to either be monogamous or just secretive?

Timi
Oh wow, it’s interesting. When I’m talking about a partner—even now—it’s still a thing. If I’m chatting with my siblings or friends and I mention my babe, they’ll be like, “Which babe?” And I’m like, “Yes actually, I have another babe.”

At this point, I’ve heard it so much that it doesn’t bother me anymore. The people who matter understand, and I have a lot of poly friends too. So we don’t even entertain those low-vibrational conversations anymore.

Now, when it comes to going out—especially as a lesbian—it’s a bit different. I live in a country where even when I’m with my babe, men will still approach us. It’s wild. But I’ve created such an intentional bubble for myself that I sometimes forget how the majority thinks.

Ahmad
That makes sense. Based on what you’re saying, there’s definitely a connection between purity culture and the shame around polyamory in Nigeria?

Timi
Absolutely. I’ve been saying this! People are so misinformed. They think being poly is just sex with different people. And I’m like—why is the idea of sex with different people so taboo that you’re crashing out over it?

It all stems from purity culture and people’s messed-up relationships with sex.

Ahmad
We need everyone to go to therapy, honestly. Or maybe just enroll in the Timi School of Real Love and graduate with honours. Please and thank you.

Okay, so you touched on this earlier, but let’s go deeper. Do you feel the need to hide your relationships from family, colleagues, or on social media?

Timi
Hmm. That’s a good question. For family—my siblings are open-minded. I had to make it clear early on: “If you don’t accept me like this, I’m sorry—you won’t get me any other way.” I was ready to ghost all of them and leave them wondering why.

Thankfully, they’ve learned to accept me, and that really makes me happy. Of course, their realities as straight people are still very different from mine.

Ahmad
Very, very different. Sometimes I genuinely can’t believe how different straight people’s perspectives are. There are things they’ll just never understand—it will never occur to them to think in that direction. It’s wild.

Timi
Exactly! That’s why it hurts even more when I see queer people shitting on poly folks. Like—you know what it’s like to not conform. Just because you don’t get it doesn’t mean you have to talk down on it. You can not understand something and still be respectful.

Ahmad
Period. Okay, now lighten the mood—give me something cute, something funny, something wild. Any memorable experiences you’ve had while dating poly?

Timi
Oh my God, this couple once moved to me together! It was one of the best experiences ever. You know that “we saw you across the room” moment? I was like—okayyy, say less.

We’d already had little crushes on each other individually before, and while the actual hookup was inherently sexual, we’d had a bit of a friendship. Not super close, but there was care.

But then I realised—they were one of those monogamous couples looking for a fun conquest. That’s not it for me. And it always shows in the end.

Like—after sex, what do you mean you’re not doing aftercare? That’s bare minimum! I felt so uncared for. And even though we weren’t in a relationship, I still think softness is basic courtesy. Ask me if I liked the experience at least?

Ahmad
Yes! That’s my biggest thing with hook-ups. I can’t do it. There needs to be something—softness, warmth. I don’t know how to hook up!

Timi
It was so jarring. I was like—jeez.

Ahmad
Like damn. Na so una dey do for here? Jesus. What’s going on?

Timi
I thought this was a classy party! Hahaha.

Ahmad
It is not classy—sorry please. No class in those kinds of parties. That’s why I don’t even use dating apps. Almost all my partners—I’ve met them in person, through friends, or somewhere real. I don’t know how to form connections virtually. Anyway—that’s a sidebar.

Do you feel like being poly has changed how you see love or commitment?

Timi
Yes, definitely. I think I’m a better person for it.

Before I realised I was polyamorous, I hadn’t even been in romantic relationships, but my friendships were so intense. I always felt like I gave more, loved more. And I used to feel terrible about it. I’d tell myself, “Some people just aren’t like that,” but I couldn’t help how affected I’d get.

If I fought with my best friend, I’d cry all day. That’s how deeply I love.

At some point, it felt like I was chasing the kind of love I wanted to give myself in other people. Like I was trying to fix broken things to feel worthy. And people would be like, “We’re just friends, why are you acting like I’m your babe?”

But when I realised I was polyamorous, it gave me language and clarity. It helped me accept myself. I’m a real lover, and that’s not a bad thing. Vulnerability is strength. And now, I have people who understand that. I attract other intentional lovers and friends. I’m really grateful for them.

Ahmad
I’m grateful for them too.

Timi
They’ve really made me a better person, honestly.

Ahmad
Okay, so what would you say is the hardest part about being poly?

Timi
Oof. Sometimes I’ll be suffering from heartbreak—while also being happy. It’s so strange. That mix of emotions is so unique. Only someone who’s been through it will truly understand.

Ahmad
Yeah, it’s really hard. I don’t want to unintentionally make you feel affected by it, but there’s no way around it, really. That’s just what happens. So, at the end of the day, it still boils down to communication and all that. But omo, it sucks. I just remembered—there was a time I was going through a friendship breakup. It was really bad. I was on a staycation, and I was sobbing in the bathroom. My partner was just standing by the door, just being there. And I really appreciated it, because I didn’t feel like I had to explain why I was heartbroken or why my mood was all over the place. They just got me. And that meant so much.

Ahmad
Okay, as we wrap up—do you have any advice for someone in Nigeria who’s curious about non-monogamy but scared to try it?

Timi
I’d say: read. Please, do your research. Don’t jump straight into the practical. Honestly, people in Lagos? They’re not good people. Monogamous, polyamorous—whatever the flavor—some of them are demons.

Ahmad
laughs Evil. Demons. Gargoyles. That Lagos? Gargoyles. Thank you.

Timi
Yeah! It’s better to read up, sit with yourself, figure out what you want and what you don’t. What are your hard limits? Your soft limits? And don’t compromise on those for anybody. There’s no love that should make you say, “Oh, let me stop being polyamorous.” That’s wild. Because if you’re really about this, no one should be able to shake your core beliefs.

Ahmad
So you don’t believe someone can be poly, then meet a monogamous person and go, “Okay, let me be monogamous for you”?

Timi
People do that—many such cases. But I think it’s insincere. Don’t lump all of us under the same polyamorous umbrella. Like I said, there are different variants. I think people like that are more non-monogamous than polyamorous. And that’s fine! Maybe they were non-monogamous until they realized, “Oh, I can actually shut this down.”
But if you’re truly poly, it’s part of your identity. It’s not something you can or should compromise. Imagine breaking up with your polycule just because of one person? That’s crazy. I’d have to knock some sense into you—what do you mean?

Ahmad
laughs Yeah, yeah. Okay. I think we’re done, really.

Timi
Okay! This was so nice. I really liked the questions—you asked such thoughtful ones. Thank you.

Ahmad
Thank you! I’m so glad. I feel like polyamory is really interesting, and a lot of people either don’t understand it or don’t want to understand it. Or they get this one-sided, skewed version. And it’s just like—no, baby girl. That’s not the vibe. That’s not what we’re doing here.
So I’m just really glad I got to speak with someone like you—someone who is polyamorous, who’s in it and living it—so people can see that it’s not this weird, impossible thing. People are actually doing it. So yeah. Thank you so much.

Timi
Yay! You’re welcome, and I can’t wait.

Well…

From Timi and Jafar’s stories, it’s obvious that polyamory is a lot more complex than having multiple sexual partners and is not an excuse to sleep around.

Humans are too multifaceted – and Nigerians too interesting and culturally diverse – to be pigeonholed into one kind of love.

That’s like saying the whole country only eats jollof rice and chicken for lunch.

Yum, but like… let’s spice things up a little, hm?

As our poly peeps echoed, loving multiple people simultaneously means everything magnified; more love, more drama, more heartache, more responsibility, more feeling.

This is also why we reached deep into our hearts to pull out The Love Choke Index.

Because really, the love don choke.

The Love Choke Index

…

At this point, you can arrest me.

I am guilty of all charges; I love enjoyment too much. It’s simply ludicrous.

In fact, the judge’s verdict specifies that my proclivity for enjoyment is worsened when I don’t have to spend too much to have a good time.

It’s not that I’m being cheap, it’s just that good things invariably find me – this includes a good deal.

But before I’m whisked off to God knows where they take chop-life warriors like us who love a good time a bit too much, I knew I had to share my latest exploits with you.

I may be criminal in my enjoyment, but I will never gatekeep.

Rooftop Dreams: The Cafe

You know in the movies, where the main character sips her cocktail, overlooking a city view, her skin lit in the sunset, and you can tell the sadness in her eyes is the kind that follows supremely dastardly breakfast?

Now, I’m not saying breakfast is on your tray (…yet), but that’s not the point, dear.

The point is, I’ve found where the main character is.

Moeshen cafe is tucked neatly away in Life Camp, one of the quieter residential areas in the city, a 15-minute drive from the city centre. If you were a plebeian (i.e., unfortunately uninformed) you might pass by the tall block of flats and write it off as just that; a block of flats on Abubakar Koko Avenue.

But while we at Ahmad’s Journal exist, dearest reader, you can never be uninformed, talk less of unfortunate.

The cafe itself is in the penthouse suite of the tall building, all clear glass and exposed metal beams running over the ceiling, with art pieces – paintings, sculptures, and decor – scattered throughout the space.

Moeshen Cafe

Despite its grey marble flooring, stark white walls, and minimalist furniture, in a way, Moeshen Cafe feels like the living room of that rich friend who is obsessed with collecting art and trinkets.

The space is large enough not to feel cluttered; it breathes intentionality.

Moeshen Cafe

The music was low and nondescript, and others in the cafe were doing everything from taking meetings to doing I Love You over the table (disgusting, but I digress).

It’s also hard to miss the various outdoor seating options, especially because the floor-to-ceiling glass doors quite literally pull and extend your eyes outdoors.

Outdoor seating at Moeshen Cafe

Between overlooking dense greenery and rocks to the left, the serene road leading up to the cafe facing you straight on, and a stunning view of the Abuja skyline to the right, I was spoilt for choice on where to sit and romanticize my life.

Outdoor seating at Moeshen Cafe

Outdoor seating at Moeshen cafe

I settled on indoor seating anyway, as the sun was out and Nigeria was already showing me enough shege.

Menu, pricing and food

As gorgeous as the cafe was, man can not survive on aesthetics alone.

Let’s get into the menu.

They had an interesting variety of foods, from avocado toast, and burger rolls, to jollof rice and chicken.

It’s the fine line between dishes familiar enough to keep you there, but not so boring that nothing stands out.

Personally, I don’t believe in going out for lunch and then getting jollof rice and chicken.

Let’s be serious. Go home and have that, please.

Also, compared to other places in the city, prices were pretty relaxed. I’m talking ₦15k for a dish and drink.

For a place as beautiful and relaxed as Moeshen, that’s good value for your money.

Anyway, what did I have? Gosh, so pushy! But here;

Beef Quesadilla – ₦14,200

Four tortillas filled with beef, vegetables, and cheese served with guacamole, fries and ketchup.

The Quesadillas: 8.5/10. These were warm, hearty, and umami-packed. The tortillas were on the dry side, but the filling more than made up for it; juicy browned beef, with sweet, fresh tomatoes and crunchy bell peppers scattered throughout, and rich cheese to bring it all together, like a warm hug.

It was a reminder that sometimes the simplest flavours make tastebuds sing. I specifically loved how generous they were with the filling—chef’s kiss.

Guacamole: 7/10. I’m not a fan of avocados. Sorry. That being said, I really enjoyed this! They spruced up the otherwise bland-tasting dip with diced red onion and a dab of seasoning. It gave the dish an appreciated burst of freshness – the onions carried here – and kept things from being too rich and indulgent.

Fries and ketchup: 5/10. Well, they were fries. And ketchup. Nothing over or underwhelming, God bless them.

Lemonade – ₦4,400

7/10. Per my tastes, I told them to make it extra sour, because when I’m having hearty meals like that, I like acidity to balance things out. Also, lemons boost saliva production, which helps you taste food better. Wisdom, dear.

Apart from that, it came in a skinny glass that might have seemed more than it really was, but was actually a slightly underwhelming amount. I wouldn’t have minded more. Just saying.

Total spend: ₦18,600

Hidden Gems: The Art Gallery

Remember how we said our business is to keep you from being unfortunately uninformed?

We always make good on our promises.

In the same building as the cafe, their eponymous art gallery quietly takes up space, filled with paintings, sculptures, textiles, and ceramic works from artists all over the continent.

Entrance to the Moeshen art gallery

It’s an art lover’s haven; whatever your medium, there’s something for you to appreciate.

Art from the gallery

Again, can’t you see yourself meeting the love of your life here? Or even if you’re not particularly into the art scene, taking some banging shots for Instagram?

Moeshen art gallery 

The gallery is free to enter, gorgeously lit, and now you know about it.

You’re welcome.

Hidden Gems: The Gift Shop

When I entered the cafe, the gift shop quietly beckoned on the left, and I made a mental note to check it out when I left.

I don’t regret it.

The entrance to the gift shop

Awash with golden light that made the diverse array of items twinkle, I couldn’t help but go in and scrutinize their offerings.

It was my divine duty, really.

Inside the gift shop 

From beaded jewellery to tea sets, organic soaps and ornate mirrors, they really put the gift in the gift shop. The prices weren’t too crazy either, though I didn’t buy anything, I saw some bracelets for around ₦4k, and they had a beginner’s painting set (stencilled canvas, paint, and brushes) for ₦15k.

The beginner’s painting set

They had a small rack of locally made tye-dye pieces that I will definitely be going back for.

The tye-dye rack

What else?

They also hold a bunch of fun events; their jazz nights, painting classes, open mics, and even live concerts, so you can tell they are really focused on the creatives, which is something I’m always looking out for.

And of course, like any respectable Abuja establishment, they have a 2-for-1 cocktail/mocktail night on Thursdays.

Who should go?

Honestly, Moeshen is an easy place to recommend to anyone, but I’d say it specifically caters to young creatives looking for affordable but slightly upscale experiences.

The Moeshen gift shop

From their cafe where you can dine and work, to their gallery, gift shop and a neverending stream of events, it’s for artists, remote workers, or anyone who just wants to explore a quieter, more relaxed scene than you’d get at a traditional bar, cafe, or social house.

Final thoughts

I really enjoyed Moeshen, if you couldn’t tell. As a creative remote worker, it felt like they were calling me specifically, and I’m glad I answered. I loved how affordable the food was, and the waiters were super friendly.

Overall, a 9/10 experience. I’m holding onto my 1 because I don’t want them to get too cocky.

That’s all the tea I have on Moeshen. The police are outside my window as we speak; they will soon break it. Sigh.

Before they take me, I have one last gift for you, dear reader.

Remember our Chop Life Church Member Index in the Guava Bar review? Well, we’re growing our ministry so here’s another!

The Chop Life Deaconess Index

In the past month, Nigeria seems to have tipped over on its head, and our shame is in the air for all to see.

Shame don wear us Super Eagles jersey. The fake one, mind you.

From the undemocratic (the suspension of Senator Akpoti-Uduaghan and The Rivers State Executive and Legislature), the scary (threats to Ushie Uguamaye – “Raye” – for criticising the government), and the downright horrific (the hundreds killed accross Edo, Plateau, and Benue state), what have Nigerians not seen three months into 2025?

Even the President has just returned to Nigeria from a 19-day “working visit” to France.

Might we be cooked?

No one is posting the “Welcome to a new dispensation” meme anymore – the one the japa crew were using that year to signify their departure; social media is a seemingly never-ending reel of news reports and updates competing for the title of  “worst thing you will see and hear today.”

It seems like for every five posts on your timeline, four are complaining about something, and the outlier is probably just rejoicing that they brought light and their freshly made okra soup won’t spoil in the fridge.

The point is that social media has become an easy vent for Nigerian frustration. It’s quick, accessible, satisfying and community-fostering.

“It is well”, but is it, really?

This statement has unironically become the season’s catchphrase; a weary acknowledgement of the struggles evident, and an almost placid acceptance of said struggles as norm, as inevitable.

It’s everywhere on social media, prefixing and suffixing laments, and sometimes, a whole statement on its own.

Nigerians are often labelled resilient. Hardworking. Innovative.

But, according to The World Bank, 47% of the population lives below the poverty line, and the Global Hunger Index says Nigeria’s hunger level is “serious”.

Our Multidimentional Poverty Index (2022) also says 70% of Nigerians live in rural areas, yet these areas are home to 80% of poor people.

So, how much of that “resilience” is born of a purely animal drive to simply survive?

Nigeria needs to change, so, we, in our magnanimity and benevolence, decided to play our small role in the lord’s work by bringing you this three part guide on practical, real-life steps you can take to make Nigeria better.

From digital petitions from your couch, to offline organising on the streets and all the things in between, we’re breaking it down and serving it up for you, dearest reader.

And believe it or not, change can start with you on social media.

Let’s get into how.

Social Media For Social Activism

Pick a cause

As we mentioned earlier, many things are happening in Nigeria. Apart from brain-melting sun and talented youth, something Nigeria has in abundance is problems.

There are too many to tackle at once, so pick your poison as a focused effort will drive more change than a generalised push.

What riles you up and cuts you deep? It can be as hyperlocal as a refuse dump down your street, or maybe you’ve been keeping an eye on government expenditure with Govspend, and something isn’t quite adding up, or you’re passionate about Nigeria’s scary Gender Based Violence and femicide problem, whatever it is, be specific.

Okay, you know what your hill is. How do you climb it?

Digital petitions, email campaigns, and mass reporting

Though it may seem otherwise, Nigeria is a democratic state.

This means the Nigerian government functions with the consent of the governed.

Let’s take a moment to…

What are Digital Petitions?

A digital petition is an online tool for collecting signatures supporting a cause. Unlike a normal petition with a physical letter and signatures, a digital petition is a more convenient way of expressing your views on important issues, particularly because it allows you to participate from anywhere.

Digital petitions help Nigerians go from tweets to demands.

Why do digital petitions matter? Do digital petitions work?

While most African governments aren’t legally required to respond to digital petitions, like the UK and other places, if public outcry is loud enough, it can shake some tables.

When large enough, digital petitions can snag international and home media attention, pressure private institutions – yes, like our dearest electricity distribution companies – be used as evidence by civil society groups when filing legal action or lobbying, and even get picked up by lawmakers or local officials if there’s enough momentum.

Example: During the 2020 EndSARS protests, a Change.org digital petition demanding the disbandment of the Special Anti-Robbery Squad (SARS) gained tens of thousands of signatures. With such online commotion, the whole world had eyes on Nigeria’s government. SARS was disbanded, and most state governments set up Judicial Panels of Inquiry to investigate police brutality.

Shoutout to the states who didn’t, they’re obviously very concerned about the safety and welfare of their inhabitants.

That was sarcasm.

Anyway, while the government’s actions after the disbandment were lacklustre and performative at best, the fact that it happened at all is testament to the power of an organised electorate.

So, you see? Closed mouths don’t get fed o.

How do I start or support a digital petition?

While Nigeria doesn’t have a homegrown digital petition platform with government integration – sigh – some of the biggest petitions in the country were started on international platforms.

You can quickly start a digital petition on Change.org, or browse and support others close to your heart. Think of it as a social medium, but for civic duties

You can also support locally focused advocacy campaigns, including other petitions and calls to action on ActionAid Nigeria.

What are Email Campaigns?

If you’re shameless – like us – you double text, because what do you have to lose?

Email campaigns are like double-texting your representatives. They are a digital activism strategy involving many people sending well-crafted messages en masse to the people who have the power to make change, be it a government ministry, a company, or an elected official.

These campaigns bring the issue to their immediate attention and work best when they’re part of a larger advocacy push, alongside petitions, hashtags, or news coverage.

Why do email campaigns matter? Do email campaigns work?

As we stated earlier, a democracy works with the consent of the governed, which means you, as citizens of a democratic state, have a responsibility to participate in it.

Email campaigns fulfil this obligation because you’re directly alerting them about how you, the governed, ergo, the powerholder, feel. While decision-makers may ignore tweets, a direct message to their inbox feels more personal and profound.

Sometimes, it’s the difference between a whisper and a shout.

Example: In 2022, the #FixTheNigerianPassport campaign rose to prominence, targeted at the Nigerian Immigration Service and the Ministry of Interior, calling for an overhaul of the Nigerian passport issuance system and lamenting unnecessarily long processes and alleged extortion by officials.

While not as large-scale as EndSARS, activists and frustrated citizens started mass-sending complaint emails to official NIS and Ministry emails. Some tech-bros even created email generators that made it easier for others to send pre-written complaints.

In response to this, international pressure and digital petitions, the Federal High Court ordered the Minister of Interior and the Nigeria Immigration Service to issue passports to applicants within six weeks of fulfilling all requirements.

Small wins, eh?

How do I start an email campaign? 

Email campaigns are relatively easy to start;

• Identify your target – who can solve the problem you have? Who are those responsible?

• Gather contact information – check out our “Know Your Reps” database for your target’s contact information in our Index. You’re welcome, dear.

• Write a strong, clear template – your email must be concise, respectful, and action-focused – try not to rant too much. A brief intro (who are you? Why are you writing?), facts or personal stories to back up your concern, a direct request (e.g., investigate a case, respond publicly, end a harmful policy), then contact details or a signature. Again, check our email templates in the Index. God bless you too.

• Share and mobilise on your social media and through your contacts. Maybe using a public Google doc or a Canva graphic.

Don’t forget it doesn’t end there, so keep the pressure on. Follow up with more emails. Tag the officials online. Combine it with petitions, media coverage, and social media pressure to increase the impact.

You really have nothing to lose.

Start up idea for entrepreneurs:  An online service that allows citizens upload letters or petitions to be printed and delivered to the physical addresses of their political representatives. It’s harder to hide from real paper, hm?

Think about it.

What is Mass Reporting?

Mass Reporting is exactly what it sounds like: when concerned users report misinformative, incendiary or potentially harmful content en masse.

Most social media platforms are mandated by app stores to have a system of this sort in place, as it allows everyday users to hold others accountable by challenging harmful narratives (like fake news and sponsored disinformation), and protecting vulnerable communities.

Example: On June 1, 2021, former President Muhammadu Buhari tweeted a message warning against insurrection, in reference to unrest in the South-East. He referenced the civil war and threatened to treat “those misbehaving in the language they understand.”

Thousands of Nigerians mass reported the tweet, calling it inciteful and dangerous, and Twitter took it down for violating its policy on abusive behaviour and incitement. Buhari’s account was not suspended, but the deletion was a small blow to the Nigerian government.

Of course, three days later, the Nigerian government suspended Twitter operations in the country, but you win some, you lose some, eh?

After Nigerians made some more noise, seven months later, Twitter was unbanned, anyway.

So…

We started with digital petitioning, email campaigns, and mass reporting because, to a large extent, they are the lowest-hanging fruits.

They are easy to get into, and all you need are political awareness and an internet connection, which, if you’re reading this, you probably do.

Start and follow petitions on Change.org, know your reps and get their contacts here to shoot them a strongly worded – but respectful – email, keep an eye out for harmful content on social media and mobilise reporting if needed.

Crucial tea: Speaking of emails, it took a herculean effort from the entire Ahmad’s Journal team – and then some – to compile the contact details of our political representatives. What’s more, after a simple verification test, we discovered that many of the email addresses circulating online as official channels of communication are either incorrect, inactive or nonfunctional.

There are still many potentially active inboxes in our database – and we even received some responses – but this lack of information makes you think; is this intentional? A way of shielding themselves from the opinions of their constituents?

That’s why we’re reaching out to you, dear readers. Do you have any information (emails or numbers) to help us contact our representatives? 

We couldn’t compile a full list, but that doesn’t mean the details aren’t out there.

Nigeria is a team effort, please.  Leave a comment under this article, send us a DM on Twitter, Instagram or Threads,  or just tag us to where we can find it.

We only have ourselves, so.

The It is Not Well Index

Another way to help—the easiest, really—is by simply sharing this article. Send it to your group chat, post it on your stories, and share it on your social media. We believe in you.

Remember, Nigeria might not always feel like it listens, but silence guarantees nothing changes.