We all know that babe. Which babe?

Be serious, please. The corporate babe, of course. She’s the one you can count on to have five freshly laundered pant suits hanging oh-so-immaculately in her wardrobe at the start of the work week.

She has three wigs, all work-appropriate, of course, and if you look directly at her shoes – black stilettos are her uniform – you’ll find nary a speck of dust, just yourself, unemployed and Nigeria-stricken, staring back.

Chances are, you’re reading this article because you want to relate to her. You want to have meetings and discussions with stakeholders and worry about achieving key performance metrics.

You want a job.

But you’ve been applying for ages; at this point, you’ve told your father to ask his own mother if there is a curse on you. Perhaps she’s a witch?

Welcome, dear, you are in the right place. 

Now, the National Bureau of Statistics reports a 4.3% unemployment rate, but this is pretty misleading because in 2023, it redefined employment to include anyone working at least one hour a week, slashing the unemployment rate from 33.3% in 2020 to 4.3% in 2024. This lumps in struggling street hawkers and okada riders, who earn ₦2000-5000 daily but spend most on fuel.

Did someone say Audio Money?

If unemployment was over 30% in 2020, imagine what it would be now per the old metrics.

Anyway, before imagination – and Nigeria – wounds you, let’s talk about why we’re here.

In our overflowing benevolence as your fashionably dressed guardian angels, we sought out and spoke with a Nigerian recruiter about your problems.

(We are) Just brilliant!

Meet our recruiter

Oluwafolafunmi Ogunlashe, Human Resource Manager, and writer.

Oluwafolafunmi Ogunlashe has seen over fifteen thousand CVs and placed almost 200 Nigerians in her three years as a Human Resource Manager, Consultant, and Talent Recruiter. You don’t reach numbers like that without knowing a thing or two about what employers are really looking for from Nigerians.

Fola, a Human Resource graduate from the University of Ilorin, has held leadership roles as a Branch Director for AIESEC Nigeria and an HR consultant for Coladgray. With experience in HR management, she has worked in the FMCG sector at Apple and Pears Limited and in the travel industry at Time To Stay.

It’s no wonder she has a thing for food…

We spoke about the state of the Nigerian job market and ecosystem, what employers are actually looking for, if cover letters matter, why your CV is horrible, and what online courses she recommends.

Trust, she had a lot to say.

The chat

So,

Fola definitely has some strong opinions, ahem, stoplyingonyourcv, ahem, and can you blame her?

The average (read: frustrated by current events) Nigerian is five seconds away from madness at any given moment, so, you can’t blame her.

Anyway, per the chat, here are three things you should consider, and three you should squash. 

Do

• Run your CV through an automated rating system to understand your problem.

• Tell everyone you’re looking for employment; they might put you on.

• Persist. As you apply, focus on upskilling. You’ll land a job.

Don’t

• Lie in your CV. Recruiters can tell during interviews.

• Hop from job to job. It paints you as unreliable/unserious.

• Drink too many beers in front of your boss. Just don’t.

If you listened to the chat, you know the vibes. If you didn’t, sorry, you just might be jobless forever because there is so much more where that came from.

Anyway, in the interest of making you a boardroom baddie – or 9-to-5 gent – The Employed IJN Index fell into place, and we would be evil not to share it with you.

The Employed IJN Index

Would you look at that? According to reputable sources (us), you are automatically 50% more hireable because you read and listened to this article.

Your mother’s prayers are finally working.

How many job applications would you say you’ve sent in your life? 

If you have a job already, what would you tell others who are hunting?

Go on, dear. Share your wisdom with the class in the comments below.

If you’re too lazy to do that (we’re judging), tap an emoji below to let us know how you feel about this article!