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Advising my friend to leave her boyfriend went wrong…By Dorcas Babalola on June 3, 2023

When they say love is blind, it is not an understatement. It is what it is for those who are madly in love. In my opinion, they are the wrong set of people to genuinely advise.
A few days ago, as usual, my friend reached out to me, saying she needed someone to talk to. As a good friend, I said, “Here I am, and I am all ears”. She was about to read me in on yet another serious issue with her fiancé. Again. Well, this is not the first time we have had to talk about Tunde (not his real name) and his nonchalant attitude. But it’s another weekend to listen to the latest episode of her relationship drama series. While she has never once taken my advice, here we are again. It’s been 2 years of their courtship, but I see the relationship heading nowhere. She always apologises when she hasn’t done anything wrong.

Tunde, the playboy in my context, will always leave my friend high and dry. A serial borrower, he seems to have perfected the pattern of borrowing from her with no intention to repay and then ghosting her when the well runs dry. There was a time my friend lied to me to get me to lend her money for repairs to her Uber car. I later found out she had lent it to Tunde to sort out his personal issues. Since then, when she hints at a need to borrow, I can sense a lie and my new found excuse is: “Girl, my money is tied up at the moment.” I have chosen not to be an easy source of cash for someone whose personality is questionable.

Girl, my money is tied up at the moment. Girl, my money is tied up at the moment.

Sharing my perspective as someone who cares about her happiness has totally gone wrong. Again. I know you love him, but let’s be real. This relationship is on life support. I’ve lost count of how many times he’s forgotten your birthday, promised to call, and then flaked or left you questioning his loyalty. Yet each time, you come running back to me, asking for advice, only to ignore it and reconcile with him, anyway.
So here we go again. You’re telling me he’s changed this time, and you want to give him “one last chance”. But we both know how this story ends—with me being the awful friend who is unsupportive of your relationship while you’re left crying on my shoulder again in a few months. I won’t be caught in that web again.

Uche Elumelu savouring the breakfast Uche Elumelu savouring the breakfast in HERtitude stage play

What baffles me, even though many of us been here, is how gullible one can be when all the signs are there. I have learned, though, that as eager as you are to tell them the relationship is doomed, it usually falls on deaf ears. You see, breakfast always smells like party jollof until it is too late. I’ve also learnt that they will never stop asking you for advice or reporting their boo to you when they feel offended.

A few things not to bother telling your friend who is in love

  • Don’t fall for the temptation of telling them not to spend on their lovebirds. It’s a waste of time. Remember, they are madly in love, and they will respond with, “But I love him and I should support him or her”. So why bother? Channel your energy into watching Gangs of Lagos, Shanty Town, Passport, The Real Housewives of Abuja or anything new on Showmax, Netflix, Prime Video while waiting to see what the Lord will do on your behalf. Lol! 

  • As much as you are eager to tell them to leave the relationship because you don’t see it getting anywhere, your instinct is at work, or, shall we say, foresight in action. Of course you know how this story ends. But please don’t. Calm down and let God fight the corner of your argument. They won’t listen, even if you try. They are blinded by love and you are the only one seeing this. When this breakfast is served e go loud gan! This, however, is where your shoulders and a fresh box of scented tissues will come in handy. Just chill!

  • Like Taribo West they will come out in defence of their babyboo and they believe often very strongly that what God has joined, no man or woman must put asunder. So, the breakup songs you should play to get them ready for the final ordeal has to be subtle. Ask subtle breakup questions. Master the art of the subtle “What if?” Seriously, they will still cast and bind you, but you prepare their hearts for breakups with Chike or Ayra Starr breakup songs. The rule is: do not say it out loud. It’s falling on deaf ears.

  • Your besotted friend casting and binding your advice Your besotted friend casting and binding your advice

  • When they come to you sobbing and cursing their LOML, please nod and say amen, but don’t contribute. They won’t like it, and they don’t want to hear it. It’s an abomination because you are that meddlesome third party. Pre-order and chill that bottle of Moet or Rosé to celebrate or commiserate with them when their eyes don clear.

  • Lastly, never advise them against making that call to the love of their life when they let it slip that they are fed up with the mistreatment, the lack of attention, the abuse, etc. They most definitely don’t mean it. From experience, it is futile to stop them calling because they are already dialling the number as soon as you turn your back. In the end, do the Christian thing and wait on the Lord on their behalf. Eyes go soon clear.

Do you have any friends on this table? Do you have any friends on this table? Tag them without tagging them.

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